Be Your Own Best Friend

When you are your own best friend, you are always in good company. You are never alone because you are always with yourself. You build yourself up and encourage yourself. You have fun with yourself and don't tell yourself what you can and can't do. You don't criticize, ridicule, or mock yourself. You are always kind and forgiving with yourself. You don't judge yourself. You don't call yourself names. You don't doubt yourself. You want to be the best version of yourself, and you are always appreciating yourself and your efforts. You are never not good enough for yourself. You don't try to control or manipulate yourself. You don't abuse or neglect yourself. You always listen to yourself. You are always there for yourself. You never ignore yourself. You are never lonely. You know that you can get through anything that life brings your way since you always have yourself to get through it with. You can comfort and soothe yourself. You Love yourself unconditionally.

When you are your own best friend, you aren't affected by the thoughts or actions of those around you. No one else can ever let you down. No one else can ever disappoint you. You no longer care what anyone thinks about you. You are free to be whoever you want to be. You are free to do whatever you want to do. You don't need to wait for someone else to be around to do the things you want to do; you can just do them. You don't need anyone's approval or validation. You will miss people when they leave from your life, but it will no longer destroy you. You don't need anyone to comfort you. You don't need to rely on others. You don't seek anything from anyone else. You don't need anything from anyone. 

When you are your own best friend, you are free. Free to pursue your own hobbies. Free to have your own interests. Free to like what you like and not like what you don't like. Free to eat what you want to eat. Free to dress how you want to dress. Free to act how you want to act. Free to sing as loud and as often as you want. Free to dance as badly as you want. Free to be free. Free to be happy. Free to go out and explore. Free to stay in. Free to watch what you want to watch. Free to listen to what you want to listen to. Free to read what you want to read. Free to believe whatever you want. Free to believe in anything you want or in nothing at all. Free to question. Free to not know. Free to not have to fit in. Free to agree or disagree. Free to be you. Free to change who you are. Free to be no one at all. Free to Live.

When you are your own best friend, you have room in your life for as many or as little people as you want. You can have infinite friends or life a life of solitude. You can be a part of society, or you can be a hermit in the woods or any mixture of the two. You don't find other people annoying or intolerable, you simply don't need to be around them. More people like you and want to be your friend when they know that you aren't using them for anything or don't need them in order to be happy. People can see your genuineness. People can see your carefree and calm nature. Everyone becomes a friend to you when you no longer rely on anyone to fulfill any desires or needs. Everyone becomes a friend when you no longer try to use anyone or control anyone. Everyone wants to be free and when you allow others the freedom to be themselves since you aren't using them for anything, everyone tends to like you. The more you are your own best friend, the more people like you and the less you need them to like you which in turn causes them to like you even more.

We all want to be free from being told what to do. We all want to be free to think for ourselves. We all want to be free to make our own mistakes. We all want to be free to believe what we want. We all want to be free to feel what we feel. We all want to be free to be who we are with judgement or contempt. We all want to be Loved and accepted as we are. We all want to feel like we are good enough and not less than. We all want to be happy. We all want to live a fulfilling life. When we look outside of ourselves for these things, more often than not we do not find what we are looking for in others. Not that we can't find these things in others. We have all heard of a couple who were together their entire lives and were absolutely happy and content and had everything they wanted in life, and they found it in each other. It can and does happen, but in the current world that is more of an exception than a rule. 

The majority of us are seeking our "other half", our "soulmate", or that one person who will finally complete us and make us whole. The question is why do we believe we need someone else to complete us or to make us whole? We have everything that we seek within ourselves, and we don't need anyone else to give it to us. No one else can ever "complete" us, we have to do that ourselves. In truth we are already complete, we simply can't see it because we believe that our completion somehow lies within someone who will bring us the rest of ourselves. No one else can complete us and if we don't Love ourselves completely and wholly, no one else will ever be enough. We are our own "soulmates", we are our own "better half", and we are our own wholeness. As long as we are looking outside ourselves for "the one" we will never find them for "the one" lies within waiting to be discovered. Love and Peace!

I Love You

Dear Friend,

I Love you. I don't care what you've done. I don't care what sins you've committed. I don't care what mistakes you've made. I don't care about the evils that you believe you have in your heart. I don't care if you hate me. I don't care if you believe me. I don't care what you think of me. I don't care if you think you are incapable of being Loved. I don't care if you don't believe Love is real. I don't care if you don't believe that you are capable of Love. I don't care about your karma. I don't care about your trauma or your insecurities. I don't care what you have done in the past. I don't care what you will do in the future. I don't care what you are doing right now in the present. I Love you.

I Love you. I don't care what you look like. I don't care what color your skin is. I don't care what gender you are. I don't care what shape your body is. I don't care how tall or short you are. I don't care about your culture. I don't care about your ethnicity. I don't care if you are disabled, handicapped, disfigured, mutilated, have extra limbs or appendages, or are missing some. I don't care how smart you are. I don't care about the color of your hair. I don't care what your voice sounds like. I don't care what your accent sounds like. I don't care if you are deaf, dumb, or blind. I don't care if you have birth marks or are a burn victim. I don't care if you have genetic mutations. I don't care if you're a hero or a villain. I Love you.

I Love you. I don't care what your beliefs are. I don't care what religion you follow. I don't care if you don't follow a religion. I don't care if you believe in God or not. I don't care what your political affiliation is. I don't care what country you're from or what country you currently live in. I don't care what side of a war you are on. I don't care if you're rich or poor. I don't care what sports teams you like. I don't care what your hobbies or interest are. I don't care what labels you use for yourself. I don't care what you call yourself. I don't care how you refer to yourself. I don't care who you think you are. I Love you.

I Love you. I don't care if you are a human, an animal, a plant, a rock, an element, an entity, a spirit, a ghost, or a mythical creature. I don't care if you're invisible or if you don't think that you exist. I Love you.

I Love you. You don't need to do anything to earn my Love. My Love for you is free for the taking. My Love for you is here at all times. My Love for you is eternal. My Love for you is not conditional. My Love for you is not based on anything you have done. My Love for you doesn't require you to do anything. My Love for you needs no explanation. My Love for you requires no reason. My Love for you desires nothing from you. My Love for you needs nothing from you. I Love you.

I Love you. Love is my gift to you. It's ok. You don't owe me anything. I will not use Love against you. I will not hold Love over you. I will not use Love to manipulate or control you. I will not use Love as a weapon against you. I will not ask for anything in return. I have Love to give, so I give it willingly. Love is my gift to you. You are here because you were meant to be, you did not end up here by accident, circumstances, or coincidence. You were meant to be here, to receive my gift of Love to you. I Love you. 

I Love you. You are not alone. It's ok. I Love you.

Focus On Yourself

What is the cause of most of our misery? Trying to control things that are out of our control. What is out of our control? Other people. How many times have we been let down, disappointed, and hurt by others? How often do we get frustrated at others for not doing what we think they should be doing? How often do we compare ourselves to others? How often do we try to manipulate, coerce, and deceive others to get them to do what we want them to do? We all do this, even if we aren't consciously aware of the fact that we are. As long as we care what others do and think and feel, we will always try to manipulate them into doing what we think best.

Who are our favorite people? Who are the people that we like the most? It's the people who do what we think they should be doing, and the people who treat us the way we think they should be treating us. The people who we believe that we can control or manipulate. Who are our least favorite people? Who are the people that we can't stand? It's the people who don't live their lives the way we think they should be living them. It's the people who don't treat us the way we think they should be treating us. It's the people that we know we can't control or manipulate. If you put any thought into this, you will see it to be true. 

One of the most infuriating things for us is when someone will not do what we believe they should be doing. Or when someone won't believe what we think they should believe. There are wars fought over this. A country doesn't do what another country thinks they should or believe the same thing and a war starts. Everyone who holds onto core beliefs, despises anyone who holds onto opposing core beliefs. It's a fact of dualism. You can't have good without evil, you can't have right without wrong, and you can't have God without Satan, plain and simple. As long as you believe you are right, there will always be those who are wrong. As long as there are those who are wrong, you will want to change them, control them, or manipulate them. 

It's a guarantee that you can think of someone right now who you don't like, simply because they aren't doing what you think they should be doing or because they don't believe what you think they should believe. As long as we hold onto the false notion that we have any control whatsoever over others and their beliefs and actions we will remain in misery and frustration. Believing that we have any control whatsoever on other people is simply an illusion we tell ourselves to convince ourselves that we have a sense of control. Why do we feel this insatiable need to control others? Why do we judge others? Why do we even care what anyone else does? It's because we don't have control over ourselves. We focus so much on others, so we can avoid the focus being on ourselves. 

We have this perpetual habit of avoiding looking at ourselves. We all have aspects of ourselves that we are terrified of, that we don't want to face, that we don't believe we can face. We all have shame, remorse, regret, and suppressed emotions and memories. This is referred to as our shadow self or our unconscious. We are pure awareness; we are always aware all the time. When we sleep at night and dream, we are aware of our dreams, when we sleep at night and don't dream, we are aware of our unconsciousness. When we are awake, we are always aware of something, we choose what we want to focus our awareness on. We choose all sorts of things to focus our awareness on. We focus or awareness on everything from social media to hobbies to our thoughts and onto other people and everything in between. Most of us will focus our awareness literally anywhere except within our own selves.

We find the idea of looking within ourselves to be truly terrifying and overwhelming, we have no idea what we might find hiding within ourselves. There are infinite things that we are afraid we may uncover if we look within so we simply avoid looking within. We tell ourselves stories about ourselves. We tell ourselves the type of person that we are, the type of person that we want to be all the while never actually willing to look and find out if we are. We tell ourselves that we are moral and good. Deep down most of us believe that we are a good person. How many times have we heard this. Someone gets cancer and says "I don't deserve this, I'm a good person" maybe you yourself have said this. We are terrified of truly looking at ourselves and discovering that maybe we aren't in fact a good person. This can also go the other way, whereas we believe that we are a bad person and are terrified of finding out that we are actually good. 

Any core belief that you hold about yourself, any idea about yourself that you tell yourself, and any label that you put on yourself is a prison you are putting yourself into. These create illusions about oneself that in turn create the fear of looking at thine own self and discovering these to be false. We believe that our core beliefs are who we actually are, we believe these concepts and labels to be who we truly are. We believe that if we lose these core beliefs that we will in fact lose ourselves, that we will vanish into oblivion. Anytime anyone is forced to face a core belief about themselves that they aren't ready to face, it will lead to severe anxiety and a whole host of other mental health issues. When someone is ready and willing to face their core beliefs head on, they will always walk right through them and discover there was never anything there. It was always just a concept about oneself, an image of oneself, an idea of oneself.

Your true self is not an image, it's not a symbol, it's not an idea, it's not a belief, and it's not a concept. Your true self cannot be explained, it cannot be put into words, it cannot be labeled, it cannot be expressed. As long as you have an idea of yourself or a word that you use to describe yourself or an image of yourself, you are holding onto a false version of yourself that does not exist. As long as you cling to the false version of yourself that does not exist, you will remain terrified of looking at it and discovering it isn't real staying trapped in your prison that you have created of yourself. The kicker is, once you are willing to look at this false image of yourself and see through it, you are truly free, you will no longer care what anyone else does or thinks or believes because you will know that they are also just trapped in a prison of their own making. A prison that isn't even real, that only they believe to be real. The gateless gate.

Look at a tree. What do you see? Do you see the tree, or do you see the word tree in your mind? Do you see all your ideas, memories, perspectives, and experiences within that tree or are you able to just see the tree for what it is? If you truly saw the tree for what it was you would not be able to express it, you would not be able to put it into words or thoughts or ideas. When you take a picture of a tree, you know that picture is not the tree, you know that the picture is just an image of the tree. When you paint or draw a tree, you know that painting or drawing isn't the tree, it is simply your memory of the tree, your perspective of the tree. Every label, idea, concept, memory, and belief that we have about ourselves is just like the photo or painting or drawing of a tree. Our ideas about ourselves are not ourselves but simply an image of ourselves that we have created based on our experiences and perspectives. Except we believe that the photo of ourselves that we have created is actually who we are, we fail to see past the photo to our true selves.

As long as you focus your attention on others instead of yourself, you will never be freed from your self created prison. As long as you avoid looking at the image that you have created of yourself, you will remain imprisoned. As long as you remain imprisoned you will believe that you are in fact imprisoned. When you are willing to look at the image of yourself and realize that it is only an image that you have created, you will be freed from your false imprisonment. You will be able to walk right through the gateless gate. Love and Peace!

19. Together we will disappear into the Presence beyond the veil, not to be lost but found; not to be seen but known. (ACIM, T-19.IV-D.19:1)

You Don’t Owe Anyone Anything

You have one purpose in this world. There is only one reason why you were born into this world. Your only goal in life is to be the Love that you already are. If anyone stands in the way of that or prevents you from being pure Love and joy, there is no universal law that forces you to have them in your life. You don't owe anyone anything except yourself. That's not to say that you need to seek out revenge for wrongdoing against you or cling to grievances and grudges. Forgive others of their ignorance and move on with your life. Your allowed to walk away from people and if they try to make you believe otherwise, they are trying to control you, manipulate you, or are using you for something. They are trying to strip you of your free will. 

If your family is not there for you when you need them, and they don't respect you or treat you with kindness you are allowed to walk away. You don't owe them anything. Your parents brought you into this world, it is their job to take care of you, to Love you, to be there for you, and to support you. If your parents are emotionally immature or unavailable, it is their job to work through their issues on their own. You are not their therapist or healer. Your only job when it comes to your parents is to be their child, even if you're an adult, you are their child and that is your only job. Not everyone is lucky enough to be born into families with good parents. Often, we are born into families with intergenerational traumas and negative behaviors. Your only job is to heal your trauma and work on yourself, it is not your job to "fix" your ancestors' problems. If you were born into this life with good parents who Love and respect you and you want to return that Love to them there is nothing wrong with that, but you don't owe them anything.

If you have "friends" who only remind you of the negative aspects of yourself or constantly shame you, those aren't your friends. If your "friends" always seem to bring up all your mistakes and inadequacies, they are not your friends. If your "friends" make you feel worse about yourself instead of better, they are not your friends. A true friend Loves you, supports you, encourages you, builds you up, gives you positive affirmations, and only reminds you of all the good things about yourself. A true friend respects your boundaries. A true friend doesn't doubt you and only wants the best for you. A true friend only longs for your happiness and doesn't require anything from you, they simply enjoy your presence. 

Committed relationships such as spouses, partners, and girlfriends/boyfriends are about equal Love, support, and encouragement. A healthy committed relationship is two people who are there for each other, who are helping each other, who make each other's life's better. They are partners who help each other and not hinder each other. A healthy relationship is not one sided. A healthy relationship is give and take on both sides, it is compromise and communication on both sides. A healthy relationship is not all about one person while the other person does everything and gives up themselves and their own desires. A healthy relationship is not a dictatorship or a prison. 

If you were born into a set of beliefs and were told what to believe and were never allowed to question those beliefs, you are allowed to have beliefs of your own. You are allowed to question those beliefs. You are allowed to believe what is right for you. Beliefs are not universal; beliefs are as individual as each person. Maybe the belief system you were taught is right for you, and you question it and find yourself right back where you started, no harm no foul. Maybe the belief system you were taught isn't quite right for you, maybe it just doesn't seem to feel right. Maybe there is something missing, maybe there are parts that could be removed. You will never know if you don't allow yourself to even look at them. 

You don't owe anyone your beliefs. Your beliefs are exactly that, yours, they aren't anyone else's, you have to live with them every day of your life, wouldn't it be better to have beliefs that you actually like, beliefs that bring you peace and comfort instead of shame and fear. Anyone who tries to tell you what you "have to" believe is trying to control you. You are allowed to believe anything you want; you get to decide what is right for you. Your intuition knows the truth so there is no need to concern yourself with "right" or "wrong" beliefs, simply allow yourself to look at them.  

Don't allow the fear of being alone dictate who you allow into your life. It is far better to be alone than to be around people who cause you to feel alone. Love doesn't hurt, Love is safe, and Love does not try to control. If someone is hurting you, that is not Love. If you don't feel safe with someone, that is not Love. If someone is trying to control you, that is not Love. If you feel like you have done everything you can for someone and you just never seem to be good enough for them, you will never feel like you are good enough for them no matter how hard you try or what you do. You can't change anyone and if someone doesn't accept you exactly as you are, they never will, you don't owe them anything.

If you made a vow or a promise to someone to always stay by their side and never leave them and they don't respect you and honor you, they are not holding up their end of that vow or promise. You can't break a vow or promise when they already broke it. You are allowed to walk away; you don't owe anyone anything. The truth is, you know deep down in your heart whether or not someone is with you or against you. It is only fear that stands in the way of you walking away. The fear that you owe them something and you will be breaking that by walking away. You don't owe anyone anything! Love and Peace!

Eating Disorder

Disclaimer: This is my personal experience and beliefs about dealing with an eating disorder, this post is not meant to diagnose anyone or offer any medical advice. I do not claim to make any definitive statements that universally apply to everyone. This post is to simply show you that you are not alone in your experience. If you are struggling from an eating disorder, please reach out for help.

Twenty years is how long I have suffered from binge eating disorder. Through inner healing, trauma work, therapy, mediation, emotional self-awareness and acceptance I have been able to overcome this debilitating disorder in my life. As with any type of addiction there is always a chance of it coming back but through continuous healing this disorder can be overcome.

I believe that my binge eating disorder originated within my childhood. I had a close family member who also suffers from binge eating disorder and so I see it as a behavior that I learned and adapted through watching my family member, since our closest family members are where we learn our behaviors. To add to the learned behavior, I had a very rough childhood filled with every imaginable abuse and trauma. To top it all off I also grew up in a poor family where we mostly ate whatever food was cheapest but not necessarily healthy. Fruits and vegetables were limited and more often than not, they were out of a can. I was very skinny as a child, I had very little body fat and if I sucked in my stomach, I was basically a skeleton with skin.

Around the time I hit puberty, I started avoiding being at home as much as possible due to the abuse. I would stay the night at friends whenever possible and would rarely be home. When I stayed at my friends' houses, they all seemed to have actual food in their houses which I wasn't accustomed to. I was used to hot dogs, bologna, off brand kraft singles, and pastas but when I would go to my friends' houses, they would have deli meats, frozen pizzas, chips, and all other sorts of goodies that I just never had at home. I loved all this amazing food that I didn't get at home. I wanted to eat as much of this delicious food that I could, while I had the chance. The food also seemed to make me happy, I didn't have to think about how miserable I was or my shitty home life, I could just live it up eating like a king and feeling like royalty.

The issue was, I was ashamed of being poor and not having any of this food at home. I was ashamed that I wanted to just eat and eat and eat so I wasn't able to eat very much. I also knew it was rude to go to someone's house and eat all their food that they pay their hard-earned money for, I knew how valuable food was but I also knew I "needed" it, I just couldn't stop eating it. Eventually I started waiting until my friends and their families were asleep and I would sneak into their kitchen and make myself a feast. Being that there was a limited amount of food in my house I usually had to fight over whatever scraps were left with my brother who was older and bigger after my parents got their fill. Needless to say, there wasn't usually very much left for me, but when I would sneak into my friend's kitchens at night, I could have a feast and not have to fight for scraps or be bullied for eating too much. 

That was when it all started. As I got older, I continued that habit. Always eating at night, in secret, in shame, in guilt, in despair. Even after I moved out of my parents' home and had the financial ability to buy any food I wanted, I would still binge most every night. It was a way of numbing my pain, even if for a little while. While I never purged due to the fact that I utterly hate vomiting and diarrhea, I would very often use fasting, exercise, and dieting as methods of keeping my weight down. During puberty when I started binging, I went from skinny to overweight in what seemed like overnight. My doctor said it was puberty and that I would grow into my weight, but he wasn't aware of my eating disorder. I somehow always managed to keep myself from getting to obese but I was always overweight. I hid it from everyone, no one knew and if anyone ever figured it out, I wasn't aware since no one ever mentioned it to me.

As soon as I was alone every night, I would eat anything and everything I could get my hands on. I never cared much for sweets even though I wasn't opposed to them, for me it was usually the salty foods that I craved, cheeses, chips, deli meats, pizza, and the like. I would just eat until I physically couldn't eat any more, until I was bursting and in pain. I just couldn't stop, no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, and no matter how much I fucking hated it. I hated that I would binge and the more I would binge, the more I would hate myself, and the more I would hate myself, the more I would binge. I was trapped in an endless cycle that appeared that I was going to be trapped in for the rest of my life.

I can't really pinpoint what it was that turned my life around, I don't believe it was one specific thing or event but a series of events that led me to where I am now. I do know that a pivotal moment for me was I finally admitted that I in fact had an eating disorder, not only to myself but to someone else. We can't solve a problem until we first admit that there is in fact a problem. One of the hardest things I have ever done was to admit out loud to someone I trusted that I had a problem. The person I trusted has never judged me or shamed me about my eating disorder and was only ever supportive of me. If you decide to reach out to someone, find someone who is a safe space for you whether it be a partner, a friend, a therapist, or a religious leader. You know who makes you feel safe and who doesn't. I believe wholeheartedly that admitting I had a problem was the begging of my healing, even though I still had a long road ahead of me. 

During this period of my life, I had undergone multiple huge life transformations. I decided to finally go no contact with my entire family. I went through extensive psychotherapy. I got into mediation, hypnosis, learned about emotional intelligence, explored my relationship with food, and trauma healing. Ultimately, I learned how to Love myself. The more I healed, the less desire I had to binge. I eventually went from binging every night to only a few times a week and then even went down to just once or twice a week. I didn't accomplish this through any effort on my own since whenever I would try not to binge it only seemed to increase the desire. I just focused on Loving and healing myself and the desire to binge decreased on its own. I only ever read one book related to my disorder and while I'm not sure how much credit I can actually give to the book, I feel like it helped in my journey. The book was "Allen Carr's Easy Way to Quit Emotional Eating: Set yourself free from binge-eating and comfort-eating" in case you're interested.

If you suffer from an eating disorder, I promise you that you are not alone even though you feel that way. I understand the amount of shame that comes with it. I understand the self-loathing and self-hatred that comes from that shame. I wish I could offer you an easy solution that would cure you in the blink of an eye or give you a magic button to push but I simply can't do that. There is no quick fix, there is no simple cure. Chance are you will have to fight long and hard to pull yourself out of the cycle. A few years ago, no one in this world even knew I had an eating disorder and today I'm posting my story where it has the ability to be seen around the world. I have no more shame; I no longer allow my eating disorder to control my life through shame. 

The eating disorder isn't the destroyer, it's the shame. Push past your shame and seek help, there is nothing to be ashamed of! This is not your fault and you have done nothing wrong! Find someone that you can trust, find someone that you feel safe with and ask for help. It's ok to ask for help. Forgive yourself and never stop forgiving yourself, just keep forgiving yourself. Love yourself, treat yourself with kindness and gentleness. You deserve to be happy; you deserve to be free from shame, you deserve to be free from your eating disorder, you deserve to be happy! There is an end in sight if you so choose, this eating disorder does not have to control your life and you don't need to live with it any longer. You are Loved, You are worthy, You are amazing, You have nothing to be ashamed of! Love and Peace friend!