Whenever you read an article or a blog post and it's defining Love, you are getting that writer's interpretation of what Love means to them personally based on their perspective and personal experiences. There are endless perceived characteristics and attributes of Love, some of which we agree upon and others not so much.
Everyone experiences Love in different ways, whether it be giving or receiving of Love. Some of us never receive Love from others but continuously and endlessly give our Love out. Often times leaving us feeling drained and lonely. Others of us receive endless Love from others but never give that Love back, leaving us feeling empty and hollow. Some of us never receive Love or give Love out, leaving us to feel as if we are a ghost passing through this realm. Still others of us receive Love and give it back in return, leaving us feeling filled with joy and serenity.
Each individual expresses Love in their own way. I'm sure your familiar with the theory of the five Love languages, that has since been debunked, the point is that we all express and receive Love in different ways based on our interpretation of Love. There are endless ways in which we all express and receive Love. We do so because we all think we know what Love is, and yet very few of us actually sit and ponder what Love actually is. We just willingly accept any and every theory and opinion thrown at us about Love, and we keep the attributes we like while throwing away the attributes we don't like.
Most of us are completely inept when it comes to Love based on our experiences, opinions, and beliefs. There are very true and very real qualities of Love that are universal, there is a true definition of Love. All that need be done to discover the true meaning of Love is to learn about Love and practice Love. You don't need to become a scholar on the subject. If we were just to sit for a little while and question what Love means to us, and question why we have these beliefs that we have about Love or where they came from. Did our beliefs about Love come from ourselves or from what we've been taught by others.
My entire life, I have always been in Love with Love, it's my favorite thing in this world. I see so clearly just how much this world suppresses Love; we humans suppress a lot. Humans fear Love. We are afraid of being hurt by Love, we are afraid of not Loving enough, of Loving too much, of Loving the wrong people or things. We are afraid of losing Love, so we cling to it and run from it. Can Love hurt? Yes, the world's conception of "love" can and will hurt. Real Love never causes pain.
So what is the true definition of Love? Selflessness. True Love is selfless, True Love simply exists, True Love asks for nothing in return, True Love doesn't hold grudges, True Love forgives, not out of necessity but out of Loving kindness. True Love forgets the past and ignores the future, True Love perceives nothing but perfection. True Love is ceaseless and unchanging. Christianity shows that Jesus Christ is the perfect representation of Love, he is the embodiment of Love. The bible states that "God is Love" in 1 John 4:16. Jesus is the "son of God", he is the human form of God, who is Love. Jesus shows us who God is. God is selfless Love. Jesus gave of us perfect shining example of how to experience God. Most of us would rather trust our own beliefs about Love then to question the true definition of Love and possibly be "wrong" (another concept we humans are terrified of).
How to tell if you are Loving someone selflessly? Pick a person in your life and ask yourself why you Love that person. If your answer is anything other than they "we are all worthy of Love", it's more than likely a selfish Love. If you Love someone because they cause you joy, or do nice things for you, or make you laugh, or provide for you, or take care of you, etc. that is a selfish Love, you are Loving in a reciprocal way. If that person fails to provide a reason for you to Love them, you simply stop Loving them and look for someone else to fill that need to be Loved within, simply put someone else who will provide that specific desire for you. For most all of us Love is selfish and reciprocal. The very few of us that Love selflessly are considered messiahs, prophets, or gurus.
If you really sit down and think about how many people you truly Love selflessly, the answer is probably zero. So what do you do, now that you know just how selfish you truly are? Start by Loving yourself, and acknowledging the fact that a majority of humans are selfish in at least in one way or another. We all Love selfishly, it's programed into us by this world. The truth is how would we ever be able to discover True Selfless Love if it weren't for selfish love. You can't have one without the other, you can't truly know selfless Love until you've gone as far as you can into selfish Love. Just because most of us love selfishly most of the time doesn't equal to being incapable of Loving selflessly. We are all pure Love and are all are capable of Loving selflessly, we all do it all the time, the tricky part is, we're usually Loving selflessly when we aren't aware of it. By becoming aware of Love, your able to start seeing True Love versus your conceptions and beliefs about Love.
Love doesn't attack; fear of Love causes attacks. If someone is harming you in any way or doesn't make you feel good about yourself, you are allowed to walk away from that person. Love forgives but it doesn't mean you need to stick around to keep being abused. If someone punches me in the face, I forgive them since I know they aren't actually angry at me, I'm just an object of displaced rage. That being said I'm not just going to keep standing there as they continue to punch me in the face. Naturally I would calmly leave the situation if and when possible, as to not get punched again. Abusive individuals tend to make you believe that "love is taking their abuse, and not being allowed to leave". Some individuals use love as a weapon to control others with, not everyone who uses love, uses it for good. Anything can be manipulated and formed into something else.
How do you tell if someone truly Loves you? Are they demanding anything in return from you? If the answer is yes, they don't truly Love you, they are using you to fulfill whatever it is that they need. As soon as you stop providing that need to them, they will replace you with someone who will. If you think you are in an abusive situation and you can't tell whether it's actually abusive or if they just "love you in their own way". True Love won't make you stay if you don't want to, True Love won't demand you do anything, and True Love doesn't hold all of your mistakes over you as a reminder of "how shitty you are and are lucky to have them to love you, cause no one else would". True Love creates more Love, Love grows and expands. True Love wants you to have all the Love you can get; True Love doesn't suppress or condemn.
I would also like to state that just because someone Loves you selfishly that doesn't necessarily equate to abuse or harm. Maybe your partner Loves you because you make them happy and you Love them because they make you happy, your both happy and everyone wins. No harm no foul, some of us live our entire lives in transactional Love relationships and it works. True Love doesn't hurt, is safe, and doesn't ask anything of you. I Love You and Peace Be With You.