This is about my personal journey with meditation and how I feel it has affected my life. I will discuss types of meditation I have tried along with the benefits I have experienced that come from the help of meditation. Personally, meditation has helped me in so many aspects of my life. Meditation in simplest terms is simply experiencing the present in totality, and every technique that is used, which are many, are just variations of the same concept.
You could say that my journey with meditation started before I even knew anything about meditation. I simply wasn't very interested in meditation, honestly, I just thought it was some new age bullshit and something monks did. It all started when I read Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now. In the book he teaches that our thoughts aren't who we are and all that exists is the present. He describes how to watch your thoughts. I had never considered that I wasn't my thoughts before I read that book. The first time I tried watching my thoughts, I just wept, it was the first time in my life I had ever felt any semblance of peace and calm. I wanted more, but it was really hard to watch my thoughts objectively. That book always stuck with me, but I was destined for other things too.
Sometime later on I discovered Alan Watts and instantly fell in love with his philosophy. I gathered up every speech of his that I could find and listened to him constantly. He discusses meditation within his talks frequently. Of course, I tried all the various forms and techniques of meditation, and nothing seemed to be the one for me. There was one thing that Alan Watts said about meditation, and it always stuck with me because I thought he was so full of shit. I don't have a source, but he said that meditation is supposed to be fun. For me meditation was the furthest thing from fun I could think of. I was just meditating so I wasn't so damn miserable all the time. He also said if you're meditating with a purpose, you're doing it wrong (not an exact quote).
I went on to study meditation within different religions and cultures, the science of meditation, and the philosophy of meditation. All the while continuing to practice meditation, but only half assed, it just wasn't very much fun, it seemed like a lot of work for nothing, and I rarely saw any results. I just kept at it since so many say it's beneficial across all beliefs and cultures. If there is a method for meditation, I probably tried it.
Let's say that you want to get into better physical shape, you would like to get rid of your extra fat and build some muscle. You start going to the gym and lifting weights while also doing some cardio, you start eating healthier foods. We all know that you're not going to come home from the gym after a day and be in the best shape you've ever been in. We all know that it takes weeks to see any signs of the change in lifestyle, and months to see any significant changes. If someone wants to go from obese to bodybuilder, that process would take years. We all know and accept this fact, which is why some keep at it and others give up after a short period of time. It's a matter of "how bad do you want it?" The ones who give up never wanted it that bad in the first place and that's fine.
Meditation works in exactly the same way as getting our physical bodies into shape. Ultimately meditation is exercising your mind. When we meditate most of us will not see any results on the first day even though some may. Don't compare yourself to others, it's not a competition. We also won't see any major results within a few months either. To reach a state of complete serenity and joy from meditation would take years for some.
Throughout my meditation journey over the course of a few years, I went through a lot of periods of time when it didn't seem to be doing anything. There were other times when I would have an epiphany during mediation that would improve my overall wellbeing. Sometimes meditation would be soothing and calm and other times I found it utterly impossible to meditate due to stress. I just kept doing it.
After about three years or so, the day finally came. I could finally see it all for what it was. I always used meditation as a method to escape myself, my life, or my problems. That's never what meditation was about. Meditation is simply living in the moment and knowing that everything is exactly as it should be. Even though I was meditating with a purpose, and it's meant to be purposeless I was still able to find the purposelessness within the purpose.
I reached a point where I looked forward to meditating. When I meditate, there is nothing I need do. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not, I don't have to pretend to care about something that I don't. I'm not required to care about anyone or anything. I don't worry about the future, I don't regret the past, I don't think about any mistakes I or anyone else has made. I simply exist for the sake of existing. When you stop living in your mind, the past, or the future, you start living in the present. When you live in the present, you see that everything is exactly how it is meant to be. You see Love and beauty everywhere and in all things. The universe puts on a show just for you every second of your life. I have witnessed some of the most beautiful moments within this universe and I was only able to do so because I was there living in the moment. Most of these moments would've gone unwitnessed had I not been there watching as I was the only person present. The universe exists just for me, that also applies to everyone else.
Overall meditation has helped me work through my past traumas, I am more able to express myself and my emotions, and I have a general sense of peace and calm overall. You could say meditation has changed my life, but that wasn't the only factor at play. Needless to say, it didn't do any harm. Give it a try, who knows, maybe you'll enjoy it.