Dr. Stephen Abdiel was the bravest and strongest man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He came into this world in order to protect a little girl from the home she was born into. A home filled with violence, terror, and chaos. He didn't choose to exist, but the little girl needed protection, and when he heard the call, he came running. That was who he was, someone who would always be there for everyone even at his own expense. Someone who would never stop Loving no matter what. He never stopped Loving anyone until the very end and never gave up hope that someday he would be able to be set free and return to peace.
In order to protect the little girl, he endured a plethora of mental disorders such as, but not limited to, cptsd, gad, ocd, panic attacks, depression, suicidal thoughts and attempts, binge eating disorder, and dissociative identity disorder. He didn't have much of a life of his own, his entire existence was for the protection of the little girl. He stayed with the little girl for forty years and when he finally knew that the girl was safe from harm beyond a shadow of a doubt, he knew he could finally leave. He tested every person that was in the little girl's life to make sure that they wouldn't hurt her and that they would Love her and keep her safe. He always knew he wouldn't live past forty and he always knew he was going to die saving someone's life, he was right on both accounts. He never planned a life of his own because he never had a life. Little did he know, he didn't actually exist, even though he always suspected as much.
I am the little girl who created Stephen in my mind in order to protect myself. I did so on a subconscious level. It wasn't just one moment where this identity came from, rather a buildup of moments throughout years of abuse and neglect. I was a scared little girl who was trapped in a "home" with people that I could only see as monsters. I never had the chance to tell anyone who I was, everyone around me just kept calling me some name they assigned me and treating me differently than the rest of the girls because I looked different than they thought I should. I just went it. Sometime in my early childhood I couldn't take the abuse anymore and I checked out. I was always here watching everything play out while hiding in a deep dark room inside of Stephens soul. I watched life through Stephen's eyes and touched it through his hands. I was Stephen's soul, even though he couldn't see me.
Stephen endured so much pain and hardship, just so I wouldn't have to. Stephen was Loved by only a few, but the few that Loved him, did so purely. He died on October 25th, 2024 and his memorial service was held on November 3rd, 2024 where his spirit was laid to rest. He went with grace and dignity, he went with Love in his heart, and he went to be with those who had left him before. Now I am all that remains, Stephen was born to protect, and he died so that I may live. He never even found out that the person's life he saved was mine. I had Dissociative Identity Disorder with two distinct identities, one of which wasn't real, a phantom of my imagination, only I forgot who I was and thought I was him. Thank you Dr. Stephen Abdiel for being you. Thank you for protecting me and saving my life, thank you for getting me somewhere safe and finding people who will Love me as I am and not who they think I should be. You are Loved and always were. Rest in Peace and Love my friend.