Loneliness

We see animals in nature reject an offspring. Left on its own the offspring will more than likely not survive. If another animal, whether it be of the same species or different species, decides to take care of the abandoned offspring, the offspring will likely flourish. Humans also being animals will often reject their offspring also. The difference between the other animals and humans is cruelty. When any other animal rejects its offspring that offspring either parishes or is found by another "parent'. When humans reject their offspring, they don't set them free to let nature takes its course. 

Humans often won't even seek out a valid replacement "parent". Humans will reject their offspring and since it is illegal to just dump them on the side of the road, the humans will then take it out on the offspring in which they rejected for having to raise something they don't want. I referred to the rejected offspring as a thing because that is how the parents see the child after they have decided to reject it. It is impossible for the parent to see the child they rejected as a human because that would evoke their empathy within. 
In a hypothetical world where we live as the rest of the animals do. Where we just openly reject our offspring instead doing it in private and pretending to be a "parent". Where we don't punish the rejected offspring for being forced to still raise them. Where we allow nature to take its course. Most of our trauma would vanish. Rejecting offspring is a normal part of nature, yet we humans think we are above our very own nature and see rejecting offspring as such an "evil sin". Life continues on by selecting life that is best suited for the continuation of life. Sometimes a life form isn't compatible with life, and nature has its own methods for this situation. One of those methods is rejecting offspring.
When humans reject their offspring and continues to raise the "thing" in which they rejected. IT COMPLETELY FUCKS UP THE OFFSRPING!!! Often times beyond repair. When a human is rejected by its life form givers, it creates a belief within the rejected child that they are unlovable, and they would be better off if they didn't exist. Through in the abuse that usually comes along with being rejected and that creates a belief within the offspring where they believe they deserve pain and misery. When the rejected offspring is used as a workhorse and not allowed to express any type of individuality it creates the belief that they need to earn Love and attention and the only way they can exist is by serving others.
I was a rejected offspring. I was neglected, abused, and tortured. I was treated like an object and not a person. I was never allowed to develop an identity of my own. I have never had family. I have never wanted to exist, I have never known general happiness. I am hyper-vigilant of everything all the time. I am a highly sensitive person who more than likely is neurodivergent, just never tested since I never had anyone looking out for me. I was punished for my "quirks". I was punished for everything and nothing. I learned how to hide, how to become invisible. I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life.
The spiritual path comes very easily to me. The spiritual path is about letting go, I never really had anything that I could call mine so that was easy. The spiritual path is about dying before you die which is allowing the ego to die, I never developed an ego since I never existed as a human. Since my family are "Christians" which I use that very loosely, since they do the opposite of what Christ taught. I convinced myself that if I could be like Christ then I would be good enough for their Love. I became a pastor, a Doctor, and became completely selfless asking nothing and only giving. This entire site is a testament to me trying to earn Love. I also thought that since I couldn't seem to find anyone to help me, Love me, or just plain give a shit about me that maybe I could help others.
I give away all my Love because I was taught that I didn't deserve any. I punish myself because I was taught that I deserve to be punished for existing. I was taught that I was not and am not supposed to exist. I blame myself for everything because I was taught that I was to blame for everything that went wrong in anyone else's life. I have had an intensely deep feeling of loneliness my entire life that nothing ever seems to cure. I am an old soul because I was never allowed to be a child. I was the adult in the house even though I was the child. I have a very deep longing to connect with others but never seem to be able to figure out how to. I wasn't taught how to be in relationships with others, in fact I was even punished for any relationships I attempted to have. 
If you are a rejected offspring, you are not alone. I feel that loneliness just as deeply as you. I feel that sense of inadequacy all the time too. I have felt constant panic and dread just as you. I have felt extreme hopelessness and isolation. I have felt it all and I have felt nothing. When I discovered how my family treated me and when I started to see through the illusion of "family" I was imprisoned in, I turned to my "friends" and found out I had none. I now walk the path of solitude. It is what it is, Que Sera, Sera. Peace and Love friends!
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