To be “in Love” is just something that we are taught to believe in. Being “in Love” is for fairy tales and romance novels. True Love requires effort, honesty, communication, openness, willingness to forgive, patience, mutual respect, and selflessness. True Love is the decision to Love another person indefinitely and unconditionally. True Love is a choice.
romantic love activates brain regions that contain high concentrations of a neuromodulator that is associated with reward, desire, addiction, and euphoric states, namely dopamine.
Falling "in Love" is a chemical response within the brain that releases dopamine. We confuse the dopamine high with the feeling of falling "in Love" and when the dopamine fades away, we are left confused as to where the Love went. That dopamine rush was never Love.
Anything that gives you pleasure will trigger the release of dopamine. This can range from a fun activity you enjoy, like dancing or cooking, to sex, shopping, and even certain drugs. Dopamine activates the reward pathway in the brain, leading you to desire these activities more. For this reason, dopamine can play a role in addiction.
When we have sexual, romantic, or erotic urges, it releases dopamine. That gives us a high and we feel like we are "in Love". We can ultimately become addicted to that person which is causing us to feel those elevated levels of dopamine. Many of us will experience addiction type behaviors when we fall "in Love" such as loss of appetite, loss of motivation, and the desire for more.
True Love isn't desire, attraction, or chemistry those are just our physical instincts the same as hunger and thirst. Most of us experience Love for someone that is a completely platonic form of Love, such as the Love for a parent, child, relative, or friend. Love and sexual attraction are separate things. You can feel sexual attraction towards someone with whom you also Love, but you can also feel sexual attraction towards someone with whom you don't Love.
Some of society says that Love and sex are equal. Sex is biological, and Love is a choice, the choice to Love, not just when Loving someone suites you or when the receiver deserves it. Love is a choice to put someone above yourself and your own needs. Love is a choice to stay when the dopamine fades. So many of us confuse the dopamine high as being "in Love" and when it fades, we assume the Love is gone, and move on to the next person. We are constantly just chasing the dopamine high. Some of us spend our lives jumping from one relationship to another always seeking out that next high being addicted to what we think is "Love". Some of us go through our entire lives never having felt true Love, only having chased the dopamine highs or just giving up on Love altogether.
Iannis : When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!
This is the best description of true Love that I have seen. True Love is what is left when the primal urges fade and when the dopamine subsides. True Love is the choice to Love someone not despite their flaws but because of their flaws, true Love is the choice to Love even when it doesn't benefit you in any way. True Love is selfless and eternal. Love and Peace!