“The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate...Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.
What has violence ever done for anyone? What good has ever come from violence? Has anything ever been solved through violence? Has any significant change resulted from violence? Violence never results in peace. Violence never results in harmony. Violence never resolves anything. Violence only leads to more violence.
Where does violence come from? Anger, hatred, wrath, unforgiveness, bitterness, judgement, condemnation, and a need to control others. Deep down violence comes from a place of pain. We humans want to hurt others when we are hurting ourselves. None of us want to feel alone. We are a social species. When we feel alone and feel pain within ourselves, we unconsciously want to inflict pain onto others so we can know that we are not alone in our own pain. That is one way we feel like we are part of the group is by experiencing emotions and experiences with others. We join support groups, so we know we aren't alone in our pain. We go to addiction meetings, so we know we aren't alone in our struggles. We go to our religions to know we aren't alone in our faith.
There are some of us who only know violence. There are some of us who choose violence. There are some of us who are always looking for a fight. There are some of us who can't go anywhere without having some sort of confrontation. There are some of us who don't think they want violence but always seem to find it. There are some of us who are in a lot of pain and just want the pain to stop in any way possible, even if it means hurting others to feel a little less alone. How do I know this? Because I used to be a violent person. I didn't believe that I was choosing violence, but violence always seemed to find me or so I thought.
I grew up in a home where there was nothing but violence. Violence was all I knew. I was almost murdered multiple times by the time I was a teenager. I had cracked ribs, broken arms and legs, fractures, sprains, contusions, and a concussion all before I was even a teenager. I hated violence and I didn't think that I was out looking for it, but I also believed that was just how the world was. I do not tell you this to pity me or feel sorry for me, I'm ok, I made it out, I am safe now and I now live a life of non-violence. It has taken me many years to break that cycle and my old habits and learned behaviors, but I have learned through personal experience that violence is not the way to go and only results in more misery.
I used to lash out at every one all the time, I was the person who would scream and curse at complete strangers just because they got in my way or looked at me wrong. I have been in physical altercations from time to time. Violence was all I knew; I had never known peace. Peace was something I had to learn for myself, peace wasn't something that was ever taught to me. I have been on the side of violence, and I have been on the side of peace, and I can say with all certainty that peace is far better. For those of us who haven't experienced peace or were never taught peace and have only ever known violence, we didn't choose the path of violence, it was forced upon us and taught to us. Deep down none of actually want violence, deep down we all want peace. Some of us just weren't lucky enough to ever be shown peace by anyone, or at least very little of it.
If we don't have any peace as a child and only know violence as child, we grow up into adults without peace. Once we are adults, everyone believes that we should just know better and if we are violent, it's due to our own selfishness and lack of empathy. As adults we lash out because it is all we have ever known and then everyone condemns our actions and we become outcasts which only increases the pain which in turn increases the violence. Anytime I yelled at a stranger, it wasn't actually the stranger I was mad at, I was simply in a shit ton of emotional pain and had no idea what to do about it, so I yelled. I was never taught how to process or handle my emotions by anyone. The truth is I just wanted someone to care, I just wanted someone to give a shit about me, I just didn't want to feel so fucking alone all the time. Obviously anytime I would yell at people, it would only cause them to yell back at me and insult me the same way I had insulted them.
I always felt like if someone had just asked me if I was ok while I was yelling and screaming and actually showed some compassion towards me, I would probably stop unleashing my rage onto them. Sadly, I never had stranger ask me if I was ok, so I never found out how I would react, but I did try this technique on someone else. I was out in public one day, and I had a woman come up to me and start screaming at me. Normally I would scream and yell right back but, on this day, so caught me completely off guard because I had no idea what I had done to make her so mad, she just appeared out of nowhere and started screaming at me. It was the fact that I was so confused about the confrontation that It was impossible for me to get mad. Then the strangest thing happened, out of nowhere as if coming from somewhere unexplainable I just said "are you ok?" but I said it sincerely, I didn't say it in a sarcastic or condescending way, just a genuine "are you ok?"
If it had not happened to me, I wouldn't have believed what happened next. This angry woman who was foaming at the mouth so to speak and was screaming at the top of her lungs just stopped dead in her tracks. She immediately stopped screaming and just stood there a moment as if trying to make sense of what just happened. After a couple minutes so very slowly and quietly said "no, I'm not ok". I didn't know what to do, I had no idea how to respond, I was not expecting this result. I said the only thing I could think of saying which was "would you like to talk about it?" She immediately broke down into tears. She then told me that she had just been diagnosed with cancer and she didn't know how she was going to tell her family. There was nothing I could say or do so I just listened. After she was done talking, I told her I was sorry to hear that, and we went our separate ways.
This happened several years ago and to this day this memory is one of my most vivid memories and is seared into my mind. If I hadn't been caught off guard, I definitely would've yelled right back at her and probably called her a myriad of names which would have only resulted in causing her even more pain. By simply remaining calm and genuinely asking her how she was doing, she was able to calm down for a few moments and take a breath. I have no idea, what kind of impact I had on her if any. I have no idea what ever happened to her. I never saw her again. All I do know with all certainty is she was in pain, and I did not make it worse. Maybe I helped, maybe I didn't but I do know I did not contribute to her pain.
Some of us have never known peace and have only know violence. Some of us are just having the worst day of our lives. Some of us are in severe pain. Some of us are all alone. Some of us don't even know what Love feels like. Some of us just want to be accepted. The next time you have an encounter with someone who is angry or violent make the decision to see them as someone who is in pain and have some empathy for them, ask them if they are ok. You would be amazed on how just three little words can change someone's day or even their life. Simply ask "Are you ok?"
For those of you who don't know peace and have possibly never known peace. You are not alone in your pain. For those of you who have only known violence. You don't deserve violence. You deserve peace. You deserve Love. I'm sorry that you have had to live your life never knowing peace. I'm sorry that you were shown violence and cruelty, you never deserved that from anyone. You deserve so much better. You are Loved. Feel free to reach out to me, just go to my contact page here and send me a message. You can use a fake name if you'd like, it's not important. If you just want someone to listen to you without feeling judged, I'm here. I won't even respond unless you ask me to, but I will read your message. I care, that's why I am here, I made this site for you to have a place where you can be safe even when you have nowhere else. This is a safe place. You are not alone. Love and Peace my friend!