Forgiveness

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. - Lewis B. Smedes

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. - Mahatma Gandhi

It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. - Maya Angelou

Forgiveness isn't for the sake of anyone but yourself. Holding on to grievances literally only hurts yourself and absolutely no one else, since there are no "others". We aren't told to forgive because we "need to" or it's our "duty". We are told to forgive because that is how we find freedom. When we hold on to anger, bitterness, grievances, and wrongdoings from others, those eat away at us, not them. The person you refuse to forgive, is not being affected by your unforgiveness in anyway whatsoever, it does nothing to them, it only hurts you. Most of the time the person who "wronged" you isn't even aware of the fact that they did anything "wrong". 

We don't forgive because we feel the pain caused by the grievance personally and feel as if there should be some sort of retribution for the person who caused it. It doesn't seem fair that the person who hurt us so deeply should be allowed to go on and remain unpunished. That person is being punished in their own way, we just are unable to see it, we all hide our suffering from one another as if it were something to be ashamed of. The first Noble Truth in Buddhism is the idea that everyone suffers, and that suffering is part of the world. So why are we all so ashamed of our suffering when we all experience it equally? When we suffer more than normal due to "another's" actions towards us, we believe they should get more suffering as well, so we can be even so to speak. The truth is all suffering is suffering, there is no greater suffering or lesser suffering, all suffering is equal. It's not like most of us are walking around saying, "eh, it was only a tiny suffering, I could've handled more, please give me more." Suffering is suffering and it doesn't matter how small or large it is, we all try to avoid it.

When someone "wrongs" you, it's due to something going on inside of themselves, it has nothing to do with you. Everyone is so caught up in their own little worlds to even notice how their actions effect "others". What does holding onto anger and unforgiveness actually do for you? The longer you hold on, the more angry and bitter you get. The more impatient you grow as you wait for the "other" to get their retribution. Nothing ever gets resolved.

A lot of us have a hard time forgiving "others" because we have a hard time forgiving ourselves. We believe that we are just a big fuck up and everything we do is wrong. We only believe that because, that's what we've been told, not because it's true. We don't feel as if we ourselves deserve forgiveness, so why the hell should we forgive anyone else? Because we all deserve forgiveness whether you believe it or not. There is nothing you have done that cannot be forgiven, that has been promised. 

23 So Jesus called them over to him and began to speak to them in parables: “How can Satan drive out Satan? 24 If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. 25 If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. 26 And if Satan opposes himself and is divided, he cannot stand; his end has come. 27 In fact, no one can enter a strong man’s house without first tying him up. Then he can plunder the strong man’s house. 28 Truly I tell you, people can be forgiven all their sins and every slander they utter, 29 but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; they are guilty of an eternal sin.” - Mark 3:23-29

What Jesus meant by this is when you are divided against yourself (doubt yourself) that is blaspheming against the Holy Spirit, they Holy Spirit is the life within you, your life force, it is you, part of the trinity of the whole. It is the unforgivable sin because you believe yourself to be unforgivable, you doubt God, therefore when you believe that you are unforgivable, you are in fact unforgivable due to your own belief and your doubt of God. You are divided against yourself. When you forgive yourself, you are no longer divided against yourself and therefore are no longer committing the unforgivable sin (sin meaning missing the point, not doing something wrong). You free yourself from the unforgivable sin by forgiving it.

There are two paths to the reconciliation of forgiveness. First path is usually the harder path but it is by far a much shorter path. Forgive yourself, once you forgive yourself, the forgiveness of all "others" follow right behind. The second path is definitely easier, but it tends to be much longer. Forgive anyone that you consider to be "other" than yourself and when you have forgiven all "others", you will find forgiving yourself will come easily. Most of us take the second longer path, which is to forgive "others" but even then we still hold on to certain "others" that we just refuse to forgive. Satan and Hitler are two prime examples. Remember forgiveness doesn't mean that you agree with someone's actions or what they stand for. Forgiveness frees you, not "them". They are still responsible for their own karma and nothing you do has any effect on their karma.  

Just try forgiving one person, take it one person at a time. The first time is the hardest, after that it gets a little easier each time. Pick someone who you have deep unforgiveness for, remind yourself that they have their own karma to deal with and it will come despite you forgiving them even if you can't see it. Remind yourself that holding onto that unforgiveness is only hurting you and no one else. Just forgive them. How? Say "I forgive _____", that is all you have to do. Keep saying until you believe it, keep saying it until you no longer feel rage when you think about that person, and keep saying it when you aren't sure if you want to anymore. What you believe, you make real. If you keep saying you forgive that person, you will start to believe it, as soon as you believe it, that person no longer has a hold over you and you are freed.

If forgiving an entire person and all of their actions feels too hard for you at first, start with one tiny thing they did to you and forgive that specific event. Maybe you were in an abusive relationship of some sort with a parent, sibling, or spouse. Since the entire relationship was abusive, there are probably hundreds of things that added up to the entirety of the relationship. If you find it to hard to forgive hundreds of things all at once that the abuser did to you, just think of one specific thing the abuser did and forgive that thing. Just keep saying "I forgive ____ for the time they did ____" and don't stop saying that until the event no longer stirs any emotions within you.

When Jesus saw their faith, he said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven - Luke 5:20

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. - Luke 6:37

You are already forgiven whether you believe it to be true or not. There is nothing that you can ever do that cannot be forgiven. The only unforgivable sin is not believing you can be forgiven. Once you forgive yourself, even that sin is forgiven since you will no longer be divided. God knows what you've done, and it is already forgiven. Peace and Love!