How do I transform an experience into words? How do I convey the true magnitude, grace and beauty of the experience? All I can do is try my best, for that's all anyone is ever capable of.
The morning sun hits my eyes as I slowly come back to the waking world. My first thought is "I want to go back to sleep, I didn't get enough" but the urge to pee is just too much to bear, so I have no choice but to get up. I sit up and pull down the window cover from the van window. I notice the other campers pointing and looking near my van. That's when I look over and see the bison grazing about twenty feet from my van.
At this point in my life, I'm pretty used to the natural world being around me. Since having my spiritual awakening, it's almost as if nature is drawn to me. I'm constantly being friended by all creatures big and small. So, I didn't really think much of the fact that this bison was hanging out by my van. I proceeded to get ready for the day and go about my business as the bison went about his business of eating breakfast.
There is a picnic table out about ten feet from my van, so I go sit on the picnic table as I'm putting on some sunscreen. As I'm applying sunscreen, I start making conversation with the bison. I'm just asking how his breakfast is and telling him about my trip. As I'm talking to him, he continues to eat the grass and pretty much just ignore me from what I can tell. He has slowly been getting closer to me as this has been playing out. He is about five feet away from me and I take a quick picture of him, then continue applying sunscreen.
I say to him "I Love You" and as soon as I get the words out of my mouth he immediately stops eating and looks directly at me. He then proceeds to grunt after not having made a sound this entire time. This is the part that I will never be able to express in words. It wasn't the fact that he looked at me, it was how he looked at me. He looked at me with such intent and sincerity. He looked at me with Loving eyes in return. In that instant I knew that we understood each other. We sat there with locked eyes for a moment and everything else disappeared, it was just us two.
He continued to grunt as he proceeded to move even closer to me. The grunts weren't aggressive in anyway, it was more like he was trying to talk to me, but I don't speak bison. I knew that I was safe and that he had no intention of hurting me in any way. He got to the end of the picnic table as I was sitting in the middle of the table, so roughly three feet away from me.
A pesky little thought enters my mind at this time. The thought was something I had read online about staying far away from bison and giving them plenty of space, so you don't get gored or trampled. I always respect wildlife by giving them their space, but he came to me. It was at that instant that fear came running in. I became petrified of this gentle creature deciding to gore me or something. I could no longer think straight, all I could think about was getting away from him so he wouldn't hurt me. I remained calm on the outside, but my insides felt like the highest setting of a vibrator was flipped on.
He continues to stand there at the end of the table just staring at me and grunting away, never giving any indication of aggression or annoyance towards me. He turns for a moment to scratch his head and as he does, I take that opportunity to walk back to the van and get in. My thinking was that the van was more protection than the picnic table would be if he decided to become aggressive. I get into the van, and I start shaking uncontrollably. Thinking I just saved myself from being gored to death or crushed.
I will never forget what happened next, this image is seared into my mind forever. When he got done scratching his head, he turned back to the picnic table to look at me. When he doesn't see me there, he looks bewildered and looks around for me. He sees me sitting in the van and looked at me with such sadness and devastation. He was so happy to have made a friend only to have that friend run away and hide in a van. He stood there for a moment looking at me with sad eyes, did one last sad grunt to say goodbye and wandered off into the field.
I was so preoccupied with fear that I hadn't even noticed another bison had come up behind me to hang out too. That one decided to walk away after I got in the van also. I know with every cell in my body that I was completely safe and that he was never going to harm me. I know that he just wanted to hang out with me and that he was curious about me. I let fear take over and control my actions and the situation. The fear was an illusion born of a thought. There was nothing to fear, I was safe. That was when I decided to not let fear stand in the way anymore.