The Feline In Me

I have lived countless lives just within this earth suit that I have been wearing since 1984. The human mind sees "'me" as being the person or persona who is the earth suit. The earth suit itself changes constantly and we can see blatant examples all around us that we are not the same person because the body always changes and appears to die. We are not the same person we were when we were a baby, it simply isn't possible. A tiny baby has a completely different experience of the world than an adult. A baby and an adult are not the same. If we got into a time machine and went back in time and held ourselves as a baby, we still wouldn't be the same person. One will always be a baby and the other will always be an adult. 

I have memories pertaining to lives within other earthly forms with one of them being human and the other being feline. I have knowledge of a life within another star system. I have inner wisdom that says all life is the same and every "individual" is life coming from source. There is no me since there can be no me without everything considered other. I am an illusion, I am a combination of thoughts, patterns, quirks, beliefs, and behaviors. I am an illusion in the same way that purple isn't a real color or the fact that the sky isn't actually blue. When the Moon is at the horizon, it appears to be much larger than it does when it is high in the sky. Yet when the Moon is photographed at various points across the sky, all the images on the negatives are the same size. The page I linked is a great source of information about illusions.

I am an illusion! Ahhhh, that used to be scary to me, not sure why. When I was trying to holding onto "my" self, I could never seem to do anything right, I always seemed to fuck everything up. I wasn't really enjoying being "this" self that I just happened to be born into. I don't remember being asked to be conceived by my parents and yet here I am, or so I thought. I did not like the self that I was, so I had a spiritual awakening and became a different self, a whole new person, yay!.. or so I thought. The "new" me was 1000% better than the "old" me and yet I was still not happy, sure I had found my inner peace and whatnot but where was all this fucking joy everyone promises? I sure as shit couldn't find it no matter how hard I tried or how much shit I let go of. I forced "my" self to go as far as I could into "my" self that I was claiming as my own and therefor was identifying with. Turns out, there is no self, I (ego) am just a fucking illusion.

Now the question became what do "I" do with this information and the instant realization that there is no me in which to do anything. Since I am an illusion, there is no me that need to do anything, there is no me who can make any mistakes, there is no me who can sin, and there is no me for anything to be wrong with. "I" is an illusion. The real I within all of us, is the real self, the real self of all of us, that is made up of the combination all of us and therefor can live within any form within the self. We are all one self. Since "I" am an illusion just the same as all of "you" are an illusion and most of "you" believe that "you" are in fact "you" and that "I" am in fact "me" the "I" that "I" am gets to be whoever the hell "I" want to be and the world will believe it, since we are all one self. Love and Peace "other" selves!

All Out

I came into this world perfectly content and at peace with everything... for about a minute. Then I felt the cold air and the bright lights blinded me and I gave a fuck about the fact that I was overwhelmed with all this new input. I was given to my mother who held me, and I was able to let go of the fuck that I gave about being uncomfortable. I was able to just be at peace being held and the cold air, loud noises, and bright lights didn't seem as bad anymore. I very quickly learned to give a fuck when I was hungry to avoid the stomach pains that would surely come if I didn't get my milk right this instant. I gave a fuck about having a dirty diaper.

As I grew older, I began giving a fuck about not getting in trouble, being punished is not very fun, would not recommend. When I became school aged, I began to give a fuck about not being weird, being made fun of is not any fun. Having religion taught to me throughout my childhood, I started to give a fuck about not going to hell. I started giving a fuck about trying to "save" others in order to "save" myself. Puberty brought in a whole new set of things to give a fuck about such as acne, accidental boners, people I was attracted to, being horny all the time, voice cracking, weird patches of hair in weird places, and just plain awkwardness.

Entering high school, I gave a fuck about girlfriends, friends, family, religion, sports, cars, and gaming. As an adult I learned to give a fuck about politics, news, and weather. I gave a fuck about what everyone else was doing and what was happening to me at any given moment in time. I gave a fuck about the seemingly inevitable collapse of society. I gave a fuck about terrorist attacks, war, poverty, famine, Covid-19 and other diseases. I gave a fuck about being kind and considerate of others. I gave a fuck about having manners. I gave a fuck about being polite and kind to each other. I gave a fuck about money, debt, budgeting, and being poor. I gave a fuck about so many things.

One day I had a "spiritual awakening", in which I heard a voice tell me that fear is Satan. All of my anxiety and fear instantly vanished, and I felt a peace that I had never felt before. My life changed forever, the person that was before that day was gone and a new person was born. I didn't know it at the time, but my "spiritual awakening" was simply me letting go of giving a fuck about fear and anxiety. I let go of one fuck and felt a stronger peace than anything in this world could give me. I then spent the next several years slowly letting go of all my fucks. Some fucks seemed harder to let go then others, but they are all fucks none the same. 

I stopped giving a fuck about time, money, gender, social hierarchy the rules of society. I stopped giving a fuck about what others thought of me. I stopped giving a fuck about what's "right" or "wrong" and decided just to be kind to everyone, because why not. It's been a hard path, it's been a lonely path, and it's been a long path. I let go of my fears, my beliefs, my identity, my relationships, me (ego), and death. In order to continue on my spiritual journey, I learned to stop giving a fuck about being labeled as crazy or insane. The spiritual path is anything but sane according to the world. My truth is letting go of my fucks is what leads to the ultimate peace. You see, I know that I am peace, peace never leaves me, peace is always here inside waiting to be remembered. I have the peace of God within me. When I'm focused on all the fucks that I'm giving, I lose track of my own peace.

For me, giving a fuck about anything in this world only lead to despair and loneliness. I stopped giving a fuck about this world and I let go. I let go of all of the lives I have lived, and I let go of every concept that comes my way. When a new thought, emotion, event, word, action, or thing comes into my awareness, I simply don't give a fuck. If I find myself giving a fuck, it's usually due to finding the "ego" attempting to give a fuck about something and pulling me down into misery. When I started meditation early on, I was meditating to accomplish something as if I could actually do anything. I was trying to "do" meditation. One day as I was meditating, I heard a voice tell me that meditation was my time where I didn't have to do anything, I could just be. No rules, no expectations, no masks, no pretending, and just being. I used to see meditation as something I needed to do in order to blah blah blah, now I see meditation as freedom, liberation, peace, joy, oneness, sabbath, and rest. I meditate for one simple reason, I enjoy it. I enjoy the act of not doing which includes not giving any fucks.

Anything and everything that I ever "tried" to do to change the external world failed. I was not able to control any external factor within my world, the only change I was able to make was within myself and how I see the world without. When I am "trying", I am experiencing stress, frustration, anxiety, sadness, and anger. Giving a fuck about everything drained me of my energy and I was usually left exhausted. When I let go of everything and just be, then all is well. Even if "bad" things are happening around me, it's all just part of what's happening. In my act of "not doing" I am just an unbiased, impartial observer of what appears to be going on around me.

In my experience the path to liberation of suffering is by not giving a fuck anymore and to just watch everything as it plays out. A Buddha becomes "enlightened" simply by not giving a fuck about anything, a Buddha lets all the fucks go. I Love this universe which includes all the "bad" and I Love everything within and without it. I Love that I don't need to do anything, and I get to watch this life play out as a movie where I'm always being surprised at what happens next. Every day I say to myself "what a day, what a day!" The physical world as we know it is only a very small part of the universe as a whole. When I stopped giving any fucks, I was freed of energy that I had been wasting trying to give fucks away. In my freeing up of energy that I was wasting and the fact that I am able to just sit in peace with myself I was shown other realms and dimensions within our universe. We all have the same gifts and abilities within us since we all come from the same source. We all have access to the same realities, realms, and dimensions coming from the same source. Most of us are too busy giving a fuck about some tiny little "problem" to see the whole of existence.

Once you get that first hit of peace within, you get hooked and the person you were beforehand disappears and all that is left is a peace junky. Except peace isn't a drug that kills, but leads to peace eternally shining within that you no longer need to chase since you always have it within. Unlike any other drug in this world, peace is the only one that leads to its own end. When the peace is found within, the finder of said peace wants to share the goods new to everyone and anyone who will listen, except no one seems to care, it's almost as if many of us enjoy being miserable for one reason or another. There is peace within all of us, you don't have to believe it in order for it to be there and you don't need to do anything for it. Peace is given to all by the grace of God, no exceptions. Stop giving a fuck about anything and the peace within will shine brighter than you ever imagined possible. Love and Peace!

* I was reminded after I wrote this post that there is a book about not giving a fuck. I have not personally read it but I am aware of its existence. This post was from my own personal experience.

Desire 3

Buddha told us that desire is the cause of all suffering. Desiring any one thing or more will always lead to suffering. By desiring some things and not desiring other things we open ourselves to the idea that we can receive things that we don't desire making them bad in our mind and therefore something that should be avoided. The things we desire become good to us and we don't believe we are able to be happy without them.

When we desire anything, we can never be satisfied, we can never have enough. We desire money and when we get it, it is never enough, we always want more. Take one look at all the billionaires trying to become trillionaires, we can clearly see that even when having billions of dollars which is more than any human can spend in many lifetimes, still isn't enough. We want to be Loved, but no one can ever seem to do it right or just how we want it done. We desire to control external circumstances and yet we never can. 

We desire sex, always wanting more, never having enough. We desire God and therefore we fear satan. We desire peace and become afraid of war. We desire to be remembered which causes us to be terrified of being forgotten. We desire joy and loathe any other emotion. On and on and on our desires go, never being satisfied, always chasing, and always running away. We are all free to desire anything we choose, and God will let us do so as long as we choose to. 

In truth there is nothing to desire because we are all in heaven and we are all enlightened and we can't desire any one thing because we have everything. Thinking logically, we are all part of the same universe which is made up of everything within the universe. Being part of the universe in which we are in, we literally have everything within the universe, known and unknown. We not only have everything, but we are everything itself. 

When we desire any one thing within the universe, we cause a split within ourselves. Our "true self" knows that it has everything and is one with everything, and the "ego" believes it is separate from the universe. The "ego" believes this since it thinks that there is any one thing that could be separated from the universe and given to the individual "ego" in order to make the individual "ego" special in some way. Since the "ego" believes that something else could be separated from the universe, the "ego" also believes that it can also be separated from the universe causing confusion and disease.

In order for the "ego" to survive it always needs to be desiring some thing. The "ego" doesn't even know what it desires, it just needs to desire. If the "ego" appears to achieve it's desire, it will only transfer the desire elsewhere. There is literally no one thing that can satisfy the desire of the "ego" since everything is part of the same universe, and yet the "ego" never stops desiring. As long as we chase our desires and run from that which we don't desire we keep the "ego" "alive" within our minds and will feel split. It is an impossibility to have some thing that someone else doesn't have and by believing that we can we suffer. We live in misery since we suffer. We suffer because we desire.

"Ego" death is simply letting go of all desires. Desires come from the "ego". Some psychedelics can help us to achieve (meaning letting go of desires) "ego" death, when that experience comes, all desires vanish, and reality can be seen and is seen as one thing instead of separate things. Everything is God, everything is one universe, desire is the belief that any one thing can be separate and if any one thing can be separate, all things are separate. We then think that we can be separate from the very universe we are in we have a constant inner dread since we don't think we will ever be able to get back into our own universe that we never left. Love and peace!

The Omnist Moral Guide

1.	No Rules, laws, or commandments. Focus on Self and don’t concern Self with what “others” are doing unless what “others” is doing is hurting Self in which case it is ok to walk away.

2.	Love God, Self, and everything considered “other” equally. There is no hierarchy within creation, everything is part of the same creation, all is equal, all is one, and all is Self.

3.	See everything as a friend. When there are “special” relationships it allows for “enemies”. When everything is a friend, there can be no enemies.

4.	Treat everything with Loving kindness, forgiveness, understanding, compassion, dignity, honor, empathy, and patience. Buildup, instead of tear down. Treat “others” how I want to be treated. There is only self, be kind to self.

5.	You are not alone, act like it.

6.	Consent should be confirmed by every person involved in every scenario and consent can be taken away at any time for any reason or no reason whatsoever. Until consent is removed by any person involved, nothing is off limits, have fun, go wild! We were created for God’s pleasure, God desires that we have pleasure also.

7.	Intimacy is meant to be a gift where body, mind, and soul come together in harmonious bliss when two become one, balanced and equal. Acting outside of these parameters isn’t immoral or a sin, it just lessens the experience.

8.	There are no “right” or “wrong” religions, paths, or beliefs and all paths end up in the same place they just take different ways to get there. All is one.

9.	Admit when wrong, own mistakes, and forgive self and “others” at all times. No one is perfect until they are. 

10.	Everyone is worthy and deserving of Love without exception. We are all capable of Self-Love and Self-Love is our only purpose in this world. There is no “other” that can Love, for all is Self. (Refer back to #2)

*God = Whoever your God is to you. If no belief in God, just replace the word God with the word Universe.

Faith

Growing up in this world and within religion I was to taught that I was to have faith, yet I was not taught how to acquire said faith. If I were to question how to have faith, I was told that I just needed to have it. The question that was always with me was "how the hell do I have faith when I don't have it?" How can I find faith when I don't even know what that means. I faked it, I pretended to have faith. I pretended because I was expected to have faith and had no clue as to how to do that.

Throughout my journey in this earth-suit I did not have faith, I did not know how to get faith, and I didn't believe faith was even real. Faith was not taught to me growing up in a neglectful environment. I did not have faith in my parents since they were emotionally absent. I did not have faith in all the adults around me who didn't keep me safe from the environment I was in. I did not have faith in this world, that always seemed to let me down and abandon me whenever I was in a time of need.

I have come to realize on my journey in this world that faith is not something we just have, it is taught to us just the same as everything else within this world. When we grow up in a home with Loving parents who are emotionally available and who come through for us when we need them the most. We learn to have faith in our parents. If we grow up in a home without emotional support or without any support for that matter, we are not a lost cause, we are not hopeless. We can be taught faith, we can learn faith and we can live in faith.

This post is for all of us who are expected to have faith and yet have no idea how to have something we appear to be lacking. I pretended to have faith in Christ since that is what was expected of me by those around me. One day I let go of my pretend faith and gave up all hope. Even though I felt as if I were alone and destined to live out a life of misery, I was being taught faith way before I was even aware of it.

God, the creator and source of all that is and that ever will be, taught me faith when I appeared to have none. God brought people into my life who helped to teach me faith. Christ has been with me every step of the way teaching me time after time that I was never alone, and I could always count on God to provide.

We can see God teaching faith to several characters within the Bible story. When we don't have people around us who will teach us faith, God steps in and takes over. God is the parent to the parentless. God will always provide everything we need at any given moment. Sometimes it may not appear to be what we think we need or want in the moment, but God knows our future and God knows our purest and truest hearts desires even when they are hidden from us.

Anything and I mean literally anything that we think we are lacking, God will provide. How do I know this, how can I be so sure? I have faith and I have faith through the grace of God. God wanted me to have faith and God taught faith to me. God has come through for me time and time again despite any circumstances that appeared. If God wants you to have faith, you will be taught faith and chances are, you more than likely won't even be aware of the fact that you are learning faith until one day you wake up and realize that you do in fact have faith. When you look back and try to discover how this faith appeared in your life, you realize that it was God who provided it to you, just as everything else.

Having faith is wonderful and creates a sense of security and peace. Faith is the unwavering knowledge that you can always count on someone to be there for you no matter what. If you don't feel like you have any faith in anything since you haven't had anyone or anything in your life teach you what faith is, that is not your fault, and it is nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed about. If you want faith and you don't have it, simply ask for it and you shall receive it. It could happen instantly, but it may also appear to take some time for it to happen, but we can be rest assured with the wisdom that it will be ours.

In truth we lack nothing, in truth we are perfect and whole. Look at any seed and then look at the final result of said seed. Look at all the steps that seed had to take along the way to become the final result. We are seeds, and we already have our full potential and final result with our seed. Since we live in time and are constantly going through growth and change, we seem to acquire all that we need in order to be who we are meant to be. We appear to acquire faith, wisdom, joy, peace, and Love when in reality those are already within our seed waiting to be unlocked.

As with everything, we already have faith because God is what/who God is and we are who God created us to be. If we appear to lack faith now, it is simply due to the fact that it is part of our future expansion, and we will get there when the time is right for us. We can't help but to learn faith from the creator of steadfastness, it is already destined to happen. Love and Peace!