Small Talk

When a stranger asks you how you're doing, if your happy and all is well, be honest and keep it simple. If you're not feeling well, then lie and say you are. Most people only ask how you're doing as a social courtesy, most often they don't want to know if you're feeling anything other than great. If you respond honestly and say "actually, I'm really glad you asked, cause I'm not doing so well" they will find the quickest excuse in the world to exit out of the conversation. As a child I would answer people honestly and I can still remember the look I would get from people when I would be honest. They would look at me as if I was an alien. How dare I honestly answer a question that they had asked me. I learned at a very young age that almost no one actually wants to hear about your problems. It never made sense to me why people would ask me a question they only wanted a specific answer to.

To avoid being stared at as if I was an alien, I learned very quickly that lying was just easier, give the people what they want and they will treat you normally and not run away from you like you have the plague. Over time I began to loathe being asked how I was doing. I had a rough ass childhood where I was born into a neglectful environment, and I wanted nothing more than for someone to actually give a shit that I wasn't ok. I wanted help, I needed help, and no one cared, all anyone wanted to hear is that I was doing great.

Growing up as a "boy" and also being naturally tall, I was asked by most every man I met and some women what sport I played. The assumption is that if you're a boy and tall is that naturally you must play a sport, more often than not basketball was the assumed sport, followed by football. I never cared about sports much as a child. I didn't care about watching them or playing them, let alone talking about them. It seemed like everyone wanted to talk about sports and whenever I would be honest and tell people I didn't care for sports, they would literally try to convince me to play. I would have complete strangers give me a long conversation about the "benefits" of sports. After that happened enough times, I learned it was easier to pretend that I liked sports. 

Pretending to like sports saved me from pointless conversations with strangers but that meant I had to actually learn something about how sports worked in order to appear as if I knew what I was talking about. I ended up watching sports to get educated on them. It seemed like the more I learned, the more I was forced to talk about them with people. I couldn't win, I couldn't escape.

As I got older conversations shifted to girls, money, cars, and "boy stuff". I spent my entire life trying to be someone I wasn't in order to fit in and be treated normally. Eventually I became extremely socially anxious and became reclusive for a couple of years. I was terrified of simply going to get the mail in fear that I would have to talk someone and put on my fake smile. I was so done with the fake bullshit where everyone pretends to be nice just out of some social normalcy when no one actually gave a shit. 

The me that I am now, no longer pretends for anyone. I discovered it was easier to stop giving a shit about what people think than to pretend to be someone I wasn't. I am who I am, and I like what I like, if others can't or don't want to relate, who cares, no loss for me. If someone asks how I'm doing now, I tell them the truth no matter what it is. If they don't want to hear my answer, they shouldn't have asked the question. If people try to talk to me about things I'm not interested in, I simply tell them that I'm not interested, if they persist, I walk away. So many of us think that the way to talk to someone is to find something "common" among the majority and talk about that such as sports, news, religion, politics, or the weather. It may be hard to believe but not every person in America cares about those topics. The true way to start a conversation with someone is to find something that they are personally interested in and talk to them about that. It's actually very simple. 

This all may be obvious to some but for people like me who weren't raised by anyone and were forced to figure things out on their own because they had no support system at home. This was all a shock to me when I learned it for myself in my thirties. I spent my earlier life believing that there was something "wrong" with me simply because I didn't share the same interests with others. I didn't have anyone to teach me these things as a child and sadly, there are plenty of us who weren't raised in healthy home environments. I spent my life being a fake version of who I thought I was supposed to be. I didn't allow myself to show the real me to anyone, since no one seemed to care who the real me was.

If you hate small talk, it's simply because you know that small talk means you have to be fake in order to appease everyone and you hate being fake. Not being authentic to yourself is exhausting so it tends to lead to anxiety, depression, and isolation. We have an epidemic where everyone is socially anxious, and everyone is socially anxious because so many of us are trying to be someone we're not. If we all had complete freedom to be whoever we wanted to be and like whatever we like and do whatever we want to do, as long as we aren't harming anything or anyone, social anxiety wouldn't exist. Social anxiety is a direct result of people not being allowed to be themselves.

How do we solve social anxiety? Acceptance, candor, Love. Judging others, condemning others, and trying to change others doesn't seem to be working to well. If it were possible to change society overnight all our problems would be solved, until then we are forced to work on an individual level. How do we do that? By Loving and accepting ourselves. By letting go of what others think about us. Love and Peace!

Sonder

n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk. - The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

You are the main character of your life. You have motivations, goals, ideas, beliefs, memories, experiences, friends, family, and Love. From your perspective, everyone is secondary characters or just plain extras in the story of your life. It's as if you were watching your life in a movie theater except the theater is empty and you're the only one watching it. Everyone else is just a character in your movie. You don't see them as people, only characters.

Just for a moment allow yourself to think about the fact that this applies to everyone equally. Everyone is sitting in their own empty movie theater watching their life play out on the big screen.  Everyone is their own main character in their own story. To everyone else, you are simply a character in their movie of their life. If we can allow ourselves to see this fact even if only for a moment, our empathy for others would flow even stronger. We would be a little more patient when someone is upset, we would be a little more understanding when someone doesn't make any sense. We would be more forgiving, having no idea what someone may be going through. 

Just because we might be living in a comedy, that doesn't mean that the person causing chaos isn't living in a tragedy. There are people who live in tragedies, we can see them all around us, they are the ones who are trying to hurt others. You don't hurt the other characters in your movie unless you're hurting yourself. When someone has that much pain, they try to give it away to lessen it. When we can only see them through our movie screen, we may laugh at them since we live in a comedy. That only makes the other persons tragedy even more real. If we are able to step outside our movie theater for a moment and step into their movie theater, we would see just how much pain and suffering that they have endured, and we would never laugh at someone "making a fool of themselves" ever again. Instead, we may actually listen to that person. 

What do we all want more than anything? What is human nature? We all want validation. We all want to have someone; anyone acknowledge our story. The issue arises when we all try to show each other our story while not being willing to listen to the other person's story. Let's give other people validation for their stories, we don't have to agree with their story, we don't have to believe it, we just have to listen and attempt to understand. By validating others, your story will feel validated as we are all intertwined in each other's movies of life.

There are roughly 8 billion humans watching the movie of their life at the time of this post. Your story is important to you and is vital to the universe. It is also only one story among 8 billion. Love and Peace!

This post is highly inspired from the book "The Fifth Agreement" by Don Miguel Ruiz. This is my own personal interpretation and does not necessarily reflect the author's views or perspective. I have nothing but the utmost respect for the author. If this topic interests you, feel free to check the book out. I highly recommend it!

Life As A Possession

It's MY Life and I will do what I want with it! Except one cannot possess something that belongs to everyone. The belief that one can possess life is a misconception among the human population. Life exists before we are given it, and it will exist after it has been taken away. Since Life was around before we were and will be around after we are, it would be better to say life possess us. Life chooses to come into a body, lives through that body and when that body has worn out, life discards that body and puts on a new body. 

Humans developed the ability to know that our bodies will die and since all we have are theories about what happens after our bodies die, we are afraid since we imagine the worst possible scenarios. We tell ourselves that we will live forever so we don't have to face that fact that we only have a limited time in this world. We created our "souls" to explain how we are able to live on after our bodies deteriorate. Our body is one body among infinite bodies to exist and all of them are filled with life. Life itself is the eternal being and we are all manifestations of that one true life. We are all parts of the whole.   

The confusion that we possess life instead of the fact that life possesses us is what leads is to believe that way also have the ability to possess "another" life. Slave owners believe they possess their slaves' lives. Humans believe they can possess animals' lives. In many parts of the world men believe they possess the lives of women. Parents believe they possess the lives of their children. We try to possess the life of anyone we don't think is living it the way we think they should be. Since we can't seem to control our own lives, we try to control the lives of those around us which just frustrates us even further. It is impossible task to try to control life.

If one believes that they can in fact possess a life, they also believe that they can dispose of life. What can be possessed can also be disposed of. Life cannot be killed, if life could be killed, there wouldn't be anyone to write these words or to read them. It's a guarantee that if it were possible to kill life, someone would've done it by now just to spite life. There have been plenty throughout history who have tried. Some have killed millions of individuals in a flaccid attempt at killing life only to have life continue on as if nothing had ever happened. Yes, individual bodies can be "killed" but it's not accomplishing anything whatsoever when life will just find a new body to go to. 

Why do we even want the responsibility of trying to be in control of life? How many of us plan our entire life out and do everything right, exactly as planned only to come across a streak of "bad luck" and have our entire lives turned upside down. On the other side, how many of don't plan anything in our life and do nothing but seem to always come across the "best of luck", where everything always seems to work out. We have no control over our lives and if we let go of the control that we never had in the first place, life will do what it's been doing all along and keep living. 

All life is life. Life is in possession of all living organisms. No one individual can possess life. Life is beautiful, life is a gift to the individual. Humans have been given an extra special gift by being included on the knowledge they we are alive, some of us see this as a curse. Those who see life as a curse are those who try to possess and control life. Those of us who give up control to life itself and admit they were never in control are able to see life as the gift that it is. Too many of us waste our lives trying to possess and control it and never give ourselves the chance to see the beauty of it all. For the individual, life is meaningless and absurd which we have a hard time accepting because we want life to have meaning and to be neat and organized. When we are able to see past our individual experiences, we are able to see life does in fact have meaning.

Die before you die if you truly want to live! Allow your individual identity (ego) to die so you are able to see the life that you truly are. Life is our true identity, life never dies, it only transforms. You are one life form experiencing itself through other life forms. Love and Peace! 

Life Explained Through Music

Music is a living eternal being. Life is also a living eternal being. Music and life are two different versions of the same living eternal beings. Music being feminine and life being masculine. Music and life are intertwined in a mystical holy union for all of eternity. In this discussion we are going to explore how to come to see this for yourself, how it all works, and where you fit into it all. 

Music is a powerful, patient, kind, Loving being. Life is very hesitant and slow moving, which is why music's patience is so vital. Life can be fragile at times and that's when music's power and might come in handy. Sometimes life can feel cruel or evil and music steps in with her kindness to even things out. Life is a loving being in the same way that music is, the only difference between them is that life doesn't know it's a Loving being yet while music has always known that both she and him are. As mentioned earlier life is a little slower and very hesitant. Life will realize that it is a Loving being eventually and until that day music just keeps being herself and enjoying the company of life until he comes to completeness. Another way of saying it is, music has always been complete in her wholeness, while as life has to form, grow, and evolve in order to be complete. 

Most aren't able to see the entirety of music and life as they only look at one of their parts at a time. We only see one part of music at a time by looking at one sound at a time. Since we only listen to one song at a time and we perceive every song as different, we don't realize that they are all different parts of the same being. The same way we only look at one life form at a time and perceive every life form as different, once again not realizing they are all different parts of the same being.

Music in her entirety is complete, meaning she does not replicate herself in anyway. Life is complete also but as stated earlier life is slow and because of the fact that life hasn't yet realized that it is already complete, life believes it necessary to have time in order for it to come to self-realization. Since we are a part of life and life believes it necessary to have time, we are also forced to have that belief. Time itself is an illusion that life brought upon itself to achieve a goal it believed it had. Music knows that life believes in time, but she can't see time herself since time is life's imaginary friend. Since music knows that time is such a good "friend" to life and that life is fragile, she plays along with life that time is real. She doesn't mind pretending time is real as long as life is happy.

When comparing music with the taxonomic rank we can see how music lines up with life (specifically human) as a whole:

• Domain:     Music as a whole / Life as a whole

• Kingdom:   Every sound possible, meaning able to move independently / Organisms able to move on their own i.e. fish, animals, insects

• Phylum:      Genres / Animals with backbone i.e. fish, animals

• Class:          Subgenres / Mammals

• Order:          Songs / Mammals with collar bones and grasping fingers

• Family:        Verses / Primates 

• Genus:        Chords / Hominoids with upright posture and brains

• Species:      Notes / Homo sapiens (human)

The fact that there are different notes aligns with the fact that we all have different identities and personalities. There can never be two identical songs just as the can never be two identical humans, fingerprints, or snowflakes just to name a few. If two songs were ever identical, they would in fact be the same song, not two separate songs. Anytime anyone sings or plays a song it gets changed. It is impossible to exactly replicate the exact same piece of music. There are all sorts of things that affect the ability to play a piece of music exactly the same every time such as interpretation, energy, skill, effort, time, outside factors, temperature, atmosphere etc. etc. 

When we change a song that we are already aware of or "create" our own, we simply become aware of a piece of music that we hadn't discovered yet, like when we discover a new animal or species for the first time. We didn't create that new animal or species, we simply found it. We didn't create that new piece of music, we simply found it. Life and Music have infinite parts. Each time we discover new life or music, it is simply finding another piece of the whole that already exists.

Life can become intimate (one) with music and can reproduce if it chooses to do so. We see this reflected within our personal experiences as a human. We are able to become intimate with another person outside of ourselves and we can also reproduce if we so choose to do so. Everything within the universe replicates everything else, as above so below. If we have the ability to reproduce with each other, so do life and music. Our bodies can be used as an instrument by nature (life as a whole) to penetrate music. Music takes us in and becomes filled with life. 

When we sing or play an instrument, we are making Love with music. We are reproducing in the form of a song. We discover a new song with music. We take a piece of music; we add our own music (voice or instrument) and create a new piece of music that could only exist as the result of us playing with that piece. If we just sing or play an instrument simply for the joy of it, we are becoming intimate with music or in plain speak, life is having sex with music. If we choose to record this new music that was created in order to be preserved for whatever reason we are choosing to reproduce (keep it going) equally how we reproduce children to keep life going.

When we let go and give ourselves up to music, we allow her to flow through us. Music takes over and leads the way. She causes us to tap our toes, to shake our butts, and to sing as loud as we can in the shower. She tells us what to sing and how to sing it, she moves our bodies for us in a perfect rhythmic flow to the timelessness of the universe. All become one and nothing simultaneously in an orgasmic bliss of ecstasy. Time ceases because when we are with our Lover, she holds us so close to her, that we don't need our imaginary friend time anymore. We feel safe and secure in her warm and Loving embrace. 

We believe that there is a right way to play music and that there is a wrong way. We believe that we have to be taught how to play music in order to create a song. As stated above we can't create a song any more than we can create a new animal or species. By saying that any part of music can be "wrong" is saying that music as a whole is wrong. There may be types of music you don't personally care for, and she doesn't mind. We don't like everything about the people in our lives either. Music is perfect in her wholeness just as life is perfect in its wholeness. Life will see it someday just as music does. 

We are life, music is our partner. We are the same as music. We are masculine and music is feminine. Music is life's other half and when we suppress our natural urge to sing or dance or shake our butts off, we are neglecting music. She just stands by while we put our imaginary friend time above her. Because we have an imaginary friend named time, we created another imaginary friend named space since we didn't want time getting lonely when we aren't around. 

We also believe that the space between us implies separateness when in fact it allows the beauty of the whole to be seen. We need space between notes to appreciate the beauty of music. Without space between notes, music would just appear chaotic and incomprehensible as long as time is around. We need space to see the beauty held within the wholeness of life as long as time is around. If we had time without space, life would appear to be a jumbled mess. If we view life as a whole without imaginary space and time, we are able to see its beauty. When life is viewed through the eyes of imaginary space and time, it appears, evil, corrupt, and wicked. Just as slamming your hands down on the piano appears, evil, corrupt, and wicked. So much so it'll make the hairs on your neck stand on end and you may even get the heebie jeebies.

The fact that life is a being that we are a part of it is very difficult for us to see who we are in the whole (life). The same way our liver finds it very difficult to see who it is in the whole (human body). The liver is doing what it was made to do, and it may be aware that it is part of something greater than itself, but it will have a very hard time trying to figure it out especially when it can only see the inside of a very specific section of the whole human body. We are trying to figure out life as a whole when we ourselves can only see from the inside of a very specific section of the whole universe. We don't need to abandon life in order to see outside of life in order to be able to understand it. We simply need look at our other half which is music. She will guide us and show us who we really are. By seeing her in her wholeness, we are able to see our own wholeness. 

Your life is a song. A part of a song won't make sense without the rest of the song. When we hear the entire song, it makes sense. One moment or year or decade of your life won't make sense. Your life in its wholeness is what makes sense. Think of your favorite song and imagine that you are that song. Some people will Love you and others will hate you. Some may criticize you and others may worship you. 

When it comes to ourselves, we take a part of our life and judge our entire life based on that one part or sometimes multiple parts that are mixed up and out of order. We fail to see the beauty of the wholeness of our completed life. You are just as beautiful as your favorite song; you are just as complete as your favorite song. There will be people who don't agree and that's ok. They simply can't see the whole song which is your life. You are the most beautiful song in the universe, see yourself as nothing less.

Music wants nothing but our happiness and she's willing to wait as long as we believe we need. The time will come when life will be strong enough to let go of all of its imaginary friends (yes, there's more), but in the meantime, music will keep poking at our hearts with her Love letting us know that we are safe and Loved and that we are perfect exactly the way we are. Love and Peace!

Hopeless

Dear Friend,

You've been on my mind so much lately. I wanted to write you a letter to help you when you have those days where you feel hopeless, helpless, and just plain alone. The first thing you need to do is remind yourself that you are not alone. I am your friend, and I am always here, anytime you want to be with me, just read my letter and here I'll be again. I never leave you, even when you aren't reading my letter, I'm still in your memory and you have access to me anytime you want. Anytime you feel alone, think of your me, who is your friend and who Loves you and there I'll be waiting patiently.

If you have a day where you feel like you just can't go on anymore. Everything feels completely hopeless and pointless, and your mind starts thinking about what it would be like to not be alive anymore, so you don't have to feel this pain anymore. When you reach that point where you just want to give up and say fuck it. I have a huge favor to ask of you. I know it's kinda messed up for me to be asking you for a favor when you are feeling like ending it all. If anything, I should be doing you the favor, but I guess I'll have to owe you one.

The favor I ask of you is when you reach that point of giving up. Don't end things until you do me the favor of giving yourself some time to think about what would make you want to live. What would make you happy. Right now, you are thinking of all the reasons you don't want to live and so you see no reason to live. If you had a billion dollars and could do anything you want, what would you do? If you could be anyone you want to be, who would you be? What would give you enough joy to make life livable? If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

What would give you a reason to live? What would give your life purpose and meaning? Just think about these questions and answer them honestly to yourself, there are no right or wrong answers. Whatever answers you come up will be your answers, they will be your decisions, they will be authentic and genuine, and they will be coming from your true self. They won't be coming from anyone who is trying to control you or manipulate you, they won't be coming from someone who is trying to push their beliefs onto you. They will be from you, and they will be your truth. No one else's opinion matters for these questions.

You may find that you are unable to answer some of the questions. You may not be able to answer any of the questions. Maybe it just never occurred to you to even ask yourself those questions. I myself miss the simplest questions staring me right in the face, it's part of what makes us human. 

So, I ask, no, I beg of you, as a huge favor to me, DON'T DO ANYTHING until you answer these questions. That is all I ask of you, take your time, think about the questions as long as you need to in order to come up with answers that seem right to you, but don't do anything until you answer them. You'll know when you have the right answers. Don't think about what other people want from you or what other people want you to be, don't think about what you can and can't do. The rules of life don't apply to these questions, you can do whatever you want and be whoever you want in these questions. I'm not asking you to do anything but answer the questions. Just answer the questions honestly and the favor is done and then I will owe you one if you decide to stick around and I really hope you do. I and the world would miss you. You are Loved! Read this letter every time you're feeling like you can't go on and do ever do anything until you answer these questions. So, you don't need to search through the letter for the questions I'll relist them down below. Love and Peace friend!

"Don't worry about a thing
'Cause every little thing is gonna be alright"
Singing, "Don't worry about a thing
'Cause every little thing is gonna be alright!"

~ Bob Marley

1. If you had a billion dollars and could do anything you want, what would you do?

2. If you could be anyone you want to be, who would you be?

3. What would give you enough joy to make life livable? 

4. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

5. What would give you a reason to live? 

6. What would give your life purpose and meaning?