The Chameleon

1 Corinthians 9:19-23
19 For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.
20 And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law;
21 To them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law.
22 To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.
23 And this I do for the gospel's sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you.

Self-identity is at the core of who we are, for what we believe that we are, is who we are and will be, or so we think. We decide who we are and how what our perspective is. On a very basic level we can choose to be an optimist or a pessimist. Many of us believe this is just our nature and that we can't change whether or not we are a pessimist or an optimist. This appears to be true, if we are born into a family of optimists, we will more than likely be an optimist. We can also choose to rebel and be a pessimist within a family of optimists' and be the "black sheep" of the family. We can be born into a family of pessimists such as I was and become a pessimist just like we were taught by our family such as I did. 

We can also choose we don't like being a pessimist and decide to see the world as bright and beautiful instead of dark and depressing such as I did. We can choose to ignore all the dark and depressing thoughts and only focus our attention on the bright and positive thoughts such as I did. We can make the personal choice to go from being a pessimist to an optimist such as I did. I don't tell you about my experiences to brag or to bring about sympathies or condolences, I simply relay my experiences in order that you may find hope, hope of another way, hope of something better, and hope that you too will find your peace so we may all live in peace together as it was, as it is, and as it shall ever be by the grace of God.

We choose how we see ourselves and how we perceive our reality. Pessimism and optimism are simply one way to see the world among thousands upon thousands. Who we think we are is how we see our reality. Since we all identify with different realities in this world, the disciples of Christ are able to take on a chameleon type appearance to the people still within the world. We are able to be anything to anyone at any given time for our identity is in Christ is on solid ground and we no longer crave the identities within this world. Since Christ is our identity, God works as one with the disciples of Christ and we will appear into the minds of those who need us when they need us and as they need to see us.

At the core of all of our beliefs and the center of our identity is simply one of two beliefs. We believe that we are evil sinners in need of punishment. We believe that we have fallen from the grace of God and are somehow separate from everything else and are watching existence from the outside of itself looking in. We believe that we are in desperate need of forgiveness and are destined to live out eternity in torment.  Or... we believe that we are perfect in every way and that God or the source or the creator or the universe didn't make any mistakes, and everything is exactly as it should be.

The first belief brings about nothing but pain and suffering. The second belief brings about everlasting peace. We all decide what we believe, we all have the free will to choose our belief. There is only one truth, both cannot be true at the same time, they are conflicting beliefs. We try to believe both at the same time and compromise, but truth doesn't compromise. Having conflicting beliefs creates chaos and confusion leading to misery and despair. Choose to believe that everything is as it should be including yourself and live in peace. Choose to believe that you are a sinner in need of punishment and live in confusion for nothing will make sense in a world that is believed to be something other than it is. Love and Peace!

Family - Part Three

We discussed the individual dysfunctional family unit in Family - Part one, then we discussed the dysfunctional human family in Family - Part two. In this discussion, we will discuss what a functional family looks like and how we can achieve that within the human family as a whole. We all have a part that we can play in transforming our dysfunctional human family into a functional one with the goal of peace for all, if we so choose, and no one is forced to participate if they don't want to. The things that we will discuss about what a functional family looks like can be applied to anyone that we consider "family" whether it be a split off part of the whole or of the whole family itself. The seemingly smaller family units are still part of the whole family so this applies to all levels.

Too few of us are unaware of what a functional family looks like. If we were not born into a functional family unit, we were more than likely not taught what a functional family looks like or how to even be a part of one. We are then forced to learn for ourselves due to becoming aware that the current way just isn't working, look around and you'll see this as true. Sometimes we seem to fall into a functional family by marrying someone within a functional family unit and we become aware of how dysfunctional our unit is. Quite often many of us remain trapped with the dysfunctional familial habits since we don't know anything different. We are unaware that there is another way even if we can't see it or understand it.

A spiritual awakening is simply becoming aware of the truth that things aren't as they seem and the intuition that something just isn't quite right, and you know you're missing out on something, but you just can't place what it is. We feel this in the depths of our soul, and we can't explain the experience to anyone who hasn't had it for themselves. Having this spiritual awakening or realization that something is missing, we end up on a quest to find the truth, whatever it may be. Often times that means losing all of the people with whom we thought were our "family". We start to realize that many of the "family" we thought we had, weren't actually family at all but were just using us for their own gain. We also become aware that we were using them just as equally for our own gain which is why it is only our pride that is hurt when they leave us or when we leave them. It is only by realizing that our "family" is not who we though they were, that we are blessed with the ability to see the family of existence that was born out of and into Love.

A functional family sincerely apologizes, forgives each other, and changes the behavior that causes the harm to another.

A functional family treats each other with dignity, respect, and kindness.

A functional family strives to make each other's lives easier, happier, and brighter.

A functional family is there for each other and shows up for each other.

A functional family accepts each other completely, including all of the "faults". One of those "faults" may be the complete lack of willingness to make any effort towards being a functional family member. If a family member isn't willing to make the effort to be part of a functional family, there is simply nothing we can do but to Love them and let them go. 

We are all one big family and that doesn't change whether or not we believe it, or if we can see it or if we even care. Being within close proximity to certain family members over others has no significance, it is only us who put significance on the smaller "family" units. Now how to we apply this knowledge about what a functional family looks like? First things first, we CANNOT force someone to change their behavior if they don't want to, having free will and all. If we Love a family member and would like to have a functional relationship with them, it will only work if they are putting in the effort alongside us, otherwise we will find ourselves just wasting our energy on an immovable object. Any family member who does not consciously make the decision alongside us, of their own free will, will only seem to hinder our progress towards achieving the ultimate goal of peace for all.

We know we can't get anywhere working with family members who have not chosen to bring peace about, for they have chosen the illusion of pain and suffering and since the opposite of pain is the illusion of pain and suffering. Which leaves us only one option, to work with the family members who have also chosen peace. We don't need to seek out anyone who chose peace for they will come to us when to time is right. Those of us who choose peace will work with anyone who is willing and able because we know that by showing peace to others, we show peace to ourselves and the whole of existence is raised to a higher level of peace. No one can disrupt our peace from within but ourselves, others may appear to disrupt our peace, but it is simply something within them that shines a light upon something within us that makes us uncomfortable. By finding our inner peace, we no longer have our peace disturbed by any "outside" force. By rediscovering our inner peace, we bring the peace of the world about. Imagine just for a moment how lovely a world would be where we all acted as one big functional family unit, instead of always being at war with ourselves. Love and Peace!

Family - Part Two

Coming from a dysfunctional family as I described in Family - Part one, it becomes easier to see the dysfunctional family dynamic all throughout our lives. We are one big human family and have split ourselves up into smaller familial groups. We first split ourselves into the familial countries that we live in. We are "American" or "German". Some families (countries) fight with other families, some get along great, some have cut each other off, and some are at war with each other. There is talking behind other families back, deception, animosity, and so on and so forth. Sometimes other family members have to get involved between spats and it turns into an all-out world war.

We then split each familial country into states, provinces, or territories and those become our new smaller family. Continue on down to city, neighborhood, household, and blood relatives. We create families within religions, hobbies, interests, and beliefs. We say this person is my family, but that person is not, forgetting all along that we are all one human family. We try to convince ourselves that someone is not our family because they have different skin color or look different or act different. We tell ourselves that only our "blood" relatives are family, completely ignoring the fact we all share the same human bodies with the same human blood. Blood family is simply different genetics within the same blood that flows through us all, which is why we can donate and receive each other's blood. We even split our household blood family apart, instead of family we say, spouse, partner, child, parent, son, daughter, husband, wife, brother, or sister. Anything in order to not have to face the cold hard truth that we are all one family.

We are in a family that is currently 8 billion strong, yet we often feel alone. How could we ever feel alone when we have 8 billion family members to talk to, to laugh with, to entertain, to create memories with, and to live life with. We have family members who support each other, we have family members that help each other, we have teachers, doctors, artists, musicians, entertainers, humanitarians, and every other kind of family member. We split ourselves apart because one family member does something we don't like or because we just can't seem to get along. Maybe one family member just seems to get off on torturing everyone. It's perfectly fine to walk away from family members who disrupt our peace, if a country seems to be bullying all the other countries, the other countries are free to ignore the country that won't leave anyone alone.

There is no need to fight within our own family whatever family that may be, fighting accomplishes nothing except for more discomfort for all of us. It is much easier and a lot less stressful to just walk away with a family member that cannot be reasoned with. The issue that arises is when we forget that we are still family. We start to separate, divide, and compete. Life becomes about getting one up one someone or being better than or getting revenge. All the while were doing this to our own human family. We are one big dysfunctional human family, plain and simple. That is why we fight, that is why we argue, that is why we attempt to hurt each other, and that is why we appear to have the ability to hurt each other.

We have split our human family up so many times in so many ways that many of us cannot even fathom that the human family are part of a still larger family and then still larger than that and so on into infinity. We have a hard time comprehending that the person with a different skin color is still family. Humans are all decedents of Adam or first man. All life descends from the same source which we often times refer to as God. We abuse each other, we neglect each other, and we forget that we are hurting our own family. Since we all came from our one family (God or the source), and we are all part of the same family that means that anything we do to each other we are literally doing to ourselves. Love and Peace!

Family - Part One

Growing up I had the type of family who would hold grudges towards each other for years or decades at a time and sometimes for life. This behavior was rampant throughout not only my immediate family but also all the extended family. We were the type of family that didn't talk about how we felt, we didn't apologize, and we suppressed the majority of our thoughts and feelings. Family dynamics were very confusing since it was hard to remember who didn't like who and what they didn't like them for and who did what to who. It seemed there was always someone mad at someone. Many family members would "cut off" other family members also. There was rampant abuse throughout the entire family involving any and every type of abuse you can imagine.

My personal experience of being cut off from family members was my normal, I thought that was how the world worked. I remember the first time I was cut off by a family member I was just a young child (under 10). I was at my grandmother's house, and we got into an argument about something, I honestly don't even remember what it was about or what was even said. I do recall saying hurtful things to my grandmothers because I was upset and as we all know, we say things we don't mean when we are upset. I know that we both said mean things in anger to each other. That was the first time I was cut off. 

My grandmother wouldn't speak to me or even acknowledge my existence. I was left to believe that I had done some terrible thing in order for my very own grandmother to not speak to me. After some time (don't remember how long) I apologized to her and then she cried and apologized also, and we made up. Over the next twenty-five years or so, I would continually be cut off from my grandmother for one thing or another. Usually for years at a time. The reasons for being cut off would be due to the fact that sometimes I was mean to her, sometimes it was a misunderstanding or miscommunication, and sometimes it was due to something on her part. It never really mattered what the reason was as to why she cut off all communication with me, it was my fault 100% of the time. I was always the one to apologize, in which case she would cry and also offer her complimentary apology.

Most of my childhood our extended family had to have multiple Christmas gatherings in order to include everyone who wasn't speaking to whoever else at the time. I would envy the other families who wouldn't have to have multiple holiday gatherings. We couldn't have one Christmas gathering since there were those who refused to come if other the others were there. One year as an adult, I had an uncle attack me over the fact the I wasn't living my life in a way he agreed with and when I stood up for myself, he forced the family to once again split Christmas so he wouldn't have to be near me.

This same uncle would berate and belittle everyone in the family. He would criticize, critique, mock, and openly insult everyone. The fact that he did this was ok with everyone because that was just "who he was", "the fun-loving funny uncle who talks shit." The only people in the family who were free from this uncle's oppressive slew of insults were coincidentally enough the "wealthy" family members. The "wealthy" family members could do no wrong in his mind. Most of the family live in self-loathing poverty and the "wealthy" family members were treated as royalty by the whole family.

I was often witness and sometimes a party to family members discussing other family members when they weren't present. Family members who openly hated other family members around everyone except the person they hated. They were very kind to the persons face who they hated so the person they hated wouldn't even know they hated them or wouldn't have a chance to defend themselves or even apologize. There were no opportunities for apologies and any apology given was simply to get something in return. There was physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse. Gaslighting and scapegoating was an expert level skill most of the family possessed. Self-awareness and self-reflection were non-existent within the family. The biggest rule within our family was no one ever admitted when they had made a mistake.

Writing this out, it is pretty clear that I never deserved to be treated that way, in fact no one does. This dysfunctional family dynamic has caused me issues with insecurity, low self-esteem, anxiety, fear of abandonment, isolation, depression, and people pleasing to the point of completely ignoring myself and my own needs. I happened to be born into a family where both of my grandmothers were narcissists. Everything revolved around my grandmothers all the time. The family was simply there in order to give the grandmothers everything they wanted and when they didn't get their way, we all got punished in one way or another so we all just stopped fighting it and went along with it. Call it nurture or nature, but other family members are also narcissists or have traits. I myself found that I too mimicked narcissistic traits as a means of adapting to my environment.

We all adapted the best we could and did what we could do survive, as for me, I had to leave. I tried to stay around for as long as I could but eventually, I realized that my family was drowning, and I couldn't swim so me sticking around to help them would just mean we all drown. I had to leave in order to learn how to swim. By learning how to swim I am able to help others who are drowning. I forgive the family that I grew up with, but it was my time to move on. I pray they find peace; I pray they find joy, and I pray for them freedom from suffering. When we are in a dysfunctional family, we can't see it for ourselves. In order to adapt to our environments, we can convince ourselves of anything. If we are able to move past all of the "rules" about always putting "family" first and leave our dysfunctional family, we may just find our true family who will show us just what a healthy family dynamic looks like, or we can discover it on our own. Living in the past that cannot be changed and dwelling on all the disfunction does no good for anyone. We can forgive the past and change the future by changing our perspective and discovering what a healthy relationship looks like versus an unhealthy one.

This is part one of a three-part discussion. This first post is about my personal life and my personal experience. I do not write these things about the family I grew up with in order for anyone to "take my side" or to damn them for their behavior. I have forgiven them and there is no reason for anyone else to hold any bitterness over them. I genuinely wish them peace, but their presence is no longer needed in my life. They are in pain and how can we condemn those of us who are in pain? By leaving the family that I was drowning with I was able to find people who are swimming alongside me. The family that was and will be given to me by God helps me stay afloat when I feel like I am starting to drown. Since I have support when I start to feel like I am drowning, I am able to give that support right back when they feel like they are drowning. Family is not always the family that we are born into, sometimes our family is outside of our birth family. Love and Peace!

Religious Trauma

The illusion of the appearance of fear has infiltrated religions. Religions by design are guides for peace. Peace is at the center of all religions. Peace comes by grace from God in the Abrahamic western religions, and peace can be found within in the eastern religions. Christianity has Jesus Christ who was God incarnate, a bringer of peace. Buddha was enlightened with inner peace. There have been others who have discovered the peace from within. Both western and eastern religions are correct in their own way, peace can appear to come from without through the grace of God or it can be discovered within ourselves. We are all beings from the same source and that source is eternal peace, we are all born with peace, if you've ever been around a newborn, you know this to be true, we seem to "lose" our peace as we grow and evolve within this world, in truth we can only attempt to ignore the peace that is always within leading to the illusion of pain and suffering.

What is the seemingly opposite of peace? Conflict. What appears to cause conflict? The illusion of fear. Where does the illusion of fear originate? From the false belief that we can "sin" or do wrong and therefor our punishment is death, thereby attempting to disassociate ourselves from the whole of reality which seems to cause conflict and confusion. For how can we be anything other than what we are? Since we come from peace and are born with peace, that peace is always with us, never fading, never disappearing, never leaving. We simply place other idols before our very own being which is eternal peace.

Fear being woven into religion causes religious suppression and abusive behavior. Religions have taught us to be afraid of everything in this world instead of showing us an example of what God's never-ending grace and Love are really like. We are preached at, talked down to from a pulpit as if we are less than, lower than. There are often times a hierarchy within religion where "normal" people are under an entire line of people between us and God. An example of this we can clearly see within the Christian religion. At the bottom is "normal" people in need of God and above them are the deacons and elders and above them the associate pastor and above them the head pastor and above them the church board within whatever specific denomination of that particular church and above them is Jesus and finally we are able to maybe find Jesus's father God someday. That is if we are able to work ourselves along the ranking system with enough moral perfection and superiority to someday come face to face with God.

Religions teach suffering, condemnation, and eternal punishment unless we are perfect and never "sin" and if we do "sin" we need to make sure we apologize to God immediately just in case we are to perish before we are able to confess our "sins", but the apology has to be sincere otherwise it doesn't count. That fear of God that religion instills in us runs deep to our core and is the cause of all of the other fears that appear. Once religion instills the fear of God's awful wrath into us, we are already in hell. Hell is the imagined fear of God, hell is thinking God could be anything other than what God is. God is Love, God is grace, God is forgiving, God is merciful, and God is patient.

In God there is absolutely no hierarchy. Jesus and his father God are one, Jesus tells us this himself. Jesus shares his sonship with all of creation, therefore we are all God's children equally alongside Jesus, no hierarchy. We are ALL siblings in Christ. Jesus died so we don't have to, he shared eternal life with us. Jesus took our "sins" away and blessed us with the ceaseless atonement of God. The Holy Spirit is the third part of the trinity that is taught within Christianity. The Holy Spirit is who shares communication with God and us since we believe that we are separate from God and are in need of God's salvation from ourselves. The holy spirit is also equal to God and Jesus. 

We find it confusing how God and Jesus can be one, yet we don't think twice about a child being a spitting image of their parent in every way possible. We are unable to tell the child apart from the parent aside from the size of their body, one being a lot smaller as it is a child. God the father and Jesus the Son are one in a similar way. Too many of us put way too much emphasis of the requirement to understand the trinity. The trinity exists whether we understand it or not. I spent way too many years trying to figure out the trinity until I saw the wisdom that I didn't need to understand it, I would understand the concept when I was ready to. To put this in a way we can all understand, we all are part of God's family, we are all equal with God, the reason this terrifies so many of us is because the "families" we know here on earth are dysfunctional as hell. God's family is not a dysfunctional family but a functional one. I will discuss family dynamics is a three-part discussion following this post. Love and Peace!