Be Weird

I, as an individual, am only aware of my personal experience and perspective. I can never know what it is like to live someone else's experience since I cannot live as someone else. I can never know what it is like to be someone else or why the hell they do the weird ass things they do. Most people appear to be weird and strange to me simply because I can't understand why they do what they do. Society as a whole is weird and confusing to me, filled with a bunch of made-up rules that only some people choose to follow. People lying to each other and themselves. People hiding who they are or being ashamed of who they are. People pretending to be someone they are not. People chasing fame and power when everything ends in this world. 

People being stressed about invisible digital made up numbers in a bank account and wanting to have a bigger number than other people. People wanting to have more possessions than other people. People putting their most basic desires over the lives of other people. The weird fascination people have with putting literally everything (including other people) in cages. A hard pill for many to swallow is the fact that no being belongs in a cage. They way people try to manipulate and control each other for personal gain instead of just asking nicely for what they want.

I understand that because most people believe that "death" and all these other invisible nonexistent things are real, that is why they do what they do and act the way they act. I understand that people think they are their body which is what leads to a lot of actions that are taken in this world. I understand that every single person who has ever lived has had their very own, one-of-a-kind, personal experience and perspective of this world. I understand that every single person knows their personal experience better than anyone ever could, so I just trust them knowing they know what they are doing even if they appear to be insane to me. That begs the question, why are so many people afraid of "autism" and being insane or having a mental handicap of some sort? It is simply a different individualized experience, nothing more and nothing less.

I do not understand most people I encounter. Most people are weird to me but that is only because I consider my experience as normal. When I see myself as being just as weird as everyone else, then we're all weird together. I know that in the eyes of the world and other people that I am weird as hell, and I embrace that whole heartedly. Being weird means being authentic and true to myself, it means not giving into societal pressures to be someone I am not. Being weird means I don't have to give a shit what anyone thinks about me. What's weird is trying to be "normal", there is no such thing as normal. Be your weird ass self every minute of every day! Be as weird as you want to be, you can even make it a game. Just how weird can you be?

Kids are weird, we can all agree to that. Kids do weird ass shit, like eating mud and putting frogs in their pockets. We were all kids at one time, and we were all weird at one time. We simply "grew up" and are kids pretending to be adults who are "normal" but in reality, our inner child is dying for the chance to just be weird again. Let your inner child out and be weird. Stop trying to be "normal" there is no such thing. Just be you and you are weird. Weird is beautiful and unique. We are all children playing pretend, this is not a metaphor, this is a literal statement.

Imagine only having one song ever written and just slight variations one the one song but never any other songs. Someone tries to come up with a new song and we all say it's too weird and we don't like it, so we just stick with the one song forever. Imagine having only one piece of art and never any other art because it's too weird. We see that as absurd because we all Love different style of music and art, we all have different tastes. We like variety since variety is the spice of life. Yet we have attempted to create an illusionary idea of a perfect human and that is meant to be normal, and we are all meant to be that one version of a nonexistent "perfect" human and if we are anything other, we are considered weird and are rejected from society. We are a bunch of people trying to be one song. I say screw that, I am a beautiful and unique song, and I don't give a shit if anyone else likes my song or not because I Love it. Love your life, Love your song, Love your art, Love your weird, Love your self. 

Our personal experience is our gift from the Universe, God, or Source, however you see it doesn't matter. We can't save our experience, we can't give away our experience, we can't run away from our experience, and we can't ignore our experience. Our conscious experience is all we have, everything else fades away. Enjoy your experience for it is your gift! We are all free to choose to experience pain and suffering, but that is our choice that we make ourselves, there is no one to blame but Self. This experience is a precious gift! Peace and Love my friend!

Our Parent

I am a holy innocent child of God and I am part of the whole sonship. God as our parent has the responsibility to take care of us, to nurture us, the protect us, and to Love us.

God is a giving parent who longs for nothing but our pleasure. We as the children of God, bring our parent God pleasure by accepting God’s gifts for us that is being given to us at all times. We as the children have no job when it comes to our parent God. God as our parent is who has the job of taking care of us. The parent is always the parent and the child is always the child. God will always be our parent and we will always be children of God.

Jesus came to share the good news that we are all children of God. Those of us who appear different are children of God. Those of us who are “evil”, are children of God. Those of us who are parent less in this world are children of God. Those of us who are in a different religion are children of God.

We are all children of God for if anyone of us can be forsaken then the same fate can apply to everyone. As God’s children we cannot be forsaken. We are all siblings in Christ and God is our parent. Self-realization is the realization that the self is a child of God, and the “ego” is the belief that the self is not a child of God.

Therefore the “ego” believing that it is somehow adopted into the universe and is not a child of God seeks out Love. Love is the innate desire within us that comes from the believe that we are not Loved. The illusion that we are not Loved by our parent God and we will be thrown away at any given moment (thrown into hell). In truth hell is the state of mind that believes it is not a child of God and needs to “earn” the Love of God.

We know the truth, we know we are children of God. We like to pretend we aren’t so we made the “ego” as the ultimate form of self-deception. Going as deep as we can into self-deception there is nowhere left to go but into self-realization. We can only deceive ourselves for so long, eventually we will all come back to self-realization of the Christ consciousness within, the knowing that we are children of God and as God’s children, we need do nothing, it is not our job to do anything, as our parent, it is God’s job to do everything.

The Feline In Me

I have lived countless lives just within this earth suit that I have been wearing since 1984. The human mind sees "'me" as being the person or persona who is the earth suit. The earth suit itself changes constantly and we can see blatant examples all around us that we are not the same person because the body always changes and appears to die. We are not the same person we were when we were a baby, it simply isn't possible. A tiny baby has a completely different experience of the world than an adult. A baby and an adult are not the same. If we got into a time machine and went back in time and held ourselves as a baby, we still wouldn't be the same person. One will always be a baby and the other will always be an adult. 

I have memories pertaining to lives within other earthly forms with one of them being human and the other being feline. I have knowledge of a life within another star system. I have inner wisdom that says all life is the same and every "individual" is life coming from source. There is no me since there can be no me without everything considered other. I am an illusion, I am a combination of thoughts, patterns, quirks, beliefs, and behaviors. I am an illusion in the same way that purple isn't a real color or the fact that the sky isn't actually blue. When the Moon is at the horizon, it appears to be much larger than it does when it is high in the sky. Yet when the Moon is photographed at various points across the sky, all the images on the negatives are the same size. The page I linked is a great source of information about illusions.

I am an illusion! Ahhhh, that used to be scary to me, not sure why. When I was trying to holding onto "my" self, I could never seem to do anything right, I always seemed to fuck everything up. I wasn't really enjoying being "this" self that I just happened to be born into. I don't remember being asked to be conceived by my parents and yet here I am, or so I thought. I did not like the self that I was, so I had a spiritual awakening and became a different self, a whole new person, yay!.. or so I thought. The "new" me was 1000% better than the "old" me and yet I was still not happy, sure I had found my inner peace and whatnot but where was all this fucking joy everyone promises? I sure as shit couldn't find it no matter how hard I tried or how much shit I let go of. I forced "my" self to go as far as I could into "my" self that I was claiming as my own and therefor was identifying with. Turns out, there is no self, I (ego) am just a fucking illusion.

Now the question became what do "I" do with this information and the instant realization that there is no me in which to do anything. Since I am an illusion, there is no me that need to do anything, there is no me who can make any mistakes, there is no me who can sin, and there is no me for anything to be wrong with. "I" is an illusion. The real I within all of us, is the real self, the real self of all of us, that is made up of the combination all of us and therefor can live within any form within the self. We are all one self. Since "I" am an illusion just the same as all of "you" are an illusion and most of "you" believe that "you" are in fact "you" and that "I" am in fact "me" the "I" that "I" am gets to be whoever the hell "I" want to be and the world will believe it, since we are all one self. Love and Peace "other" selves!

All Out

I came into this world perfectly content and at peace with everything... for about a minute. Then I felt the cold air and the bright lights blinded me and I gave a fuck about the fact that I was overwhelmed with all this new input. I was given to my mother who held me, and I was able to let go of the fuck that I gave about being uncomfortable. I was able to just be at peace being held and the cold air, loud noises, and bright lights didn't seem as bad anymore. I very quickly learned to give a fuck when I was hungry to avoid the stomach pains that would surely come if I didn't get my milk right this instant. I gave a fuck about having a dirty diaper.

As I grew older, I began giving a fuck about not getting in trouble, being punished is not very fun, would not recommend. When I became school aged, I began to give a fuck about not being weird, being made fun of is not any fun. Having religion taught to me throughout my childhood, I started to give a fuck about not going to hell. I started giving a fuck about trying to "save" others in order to "save" myself. Puberty brought in a whole new set of things to give a fuck about such as acne, accidental boners, people I was attracted to, being horny all the time, voice cracking, weird patches of hair in weird places, and just plain awkwardness.

Entering high school, I gave a fuck about girlfriends, friends, family, religion, sports, cars, and gaming. As an adult I learned to give a fuck about politics, news, and weather. I gave a fuck about what everyone else was doing and what was happening to me at any given moment in time. I gave a fuck about the seemingly inevitable collapse of society. I gave a fuck about terrorist attacks, war, poverty, famine, Covid-19 and other diseases. I gave a fuck about being kind and considerate of others. I gave a fuck about having manners. I gave a fuck about being polite and kind to each other. I gave a fuck about money, debt, budgeting, and being poor. I gave a fuck about so many things.

One day I had a "spiritual awakening", in which I heard a voice tell me that fear is Satan. All of my anxiety and fear instantly vanished, and I felt a peace that I had never felt before. My life changed forever, the person that was before that day was gone and a new person was born. I didn't know it at the time, but my "spiritual awakening" was simply me letting go of giving a fuck about fear and anxiety. I let go of one fuck and felt a stronger peace than anything in this world could give me. I then spent the next several years slowly letting go of all my fucks. Some fucks seemed harder to let go then others, but they are all fucks none the same. 

I stopped giving a fuck about time, money, gender, social hierarchy the rules of society. I stopped giving a fuck about what others thought of me. I stopped giving a fuck about what's "right" or "wrong" and decided just to be kind to everyone, because why not. It's been a hard path, it's been a lonely path, and it's been a long path. I let go of my fears, my beliefs, my identity, my relationships, me (ego), and death. In order to continue on my spiritual journey, I learned to stop giving a fuck about being labeled as crazy or insane. The spiritual path is anything but sane according to the world. My truth is letting go of my fucks is what leads to the ultimate peace. You see, I know that I am peace, peace never leaves me, peace is always here inside waiting to be remembered. I have the peace of God within me. When I'm focused on all the fucks that I'm giving, I lose track of my own peace.

For me, giving a fuck about anything in this world only lead to despair and loneliness. I stopped giving a fuck about this world and I let go. I let go of all of the lives I have lived, and I let go of every concept that comes my way. When a new thought, emotion, event, word, action, or thing comes into my awareness, I simply don't give a fuck. If I find myself giving a fuck, it's usually due to finding the "ego" attempting to give a fuck about something and pulling me down into misery. When I started meditation early on, I was meditating to accomplish something as if I could actually do anything. I was trying to "do" meditation. One day as I was meditating, I heard a voice tell me that meditation was my time where I didn't have to do anything, I could just be. No rules, no expectations, no masks, no pretending, and just being. I used to see meditation as something I needed to do in order to blah blah blah, now I see meditation as freedom, liberation, peace, joy, oneness, sabbath, and rest. I meditate for one simple reason, I enjoy it. I enjoy the act of not doing which includes not giving any fucks.

Anything and everything that I ever "tried" to do to change the external world failed. I was not able to control any external factor within my world, the only change I was able to make was within myself and how I see the world without. When I am "trying", I am experiencing stress, frustration, anxiety, sadness, and anger. Giving a fuck about everything drained me of my energy and I was usually left exhausted. When I let go of everything and just be, then all is well. Even if "bad" things are happening around me, it's all just part of what's happening. In my act of "not doing" I am just an unbiased, impartial observer of what appears to be going on around me.

In my experience the path to liberation of suffering is by not giving a fuck anymore and to just watch everything as it plays out. A Buddha becomes "enlightened" simply by not giving a fuck about anything, a Buddha lets all the fucks go. I Love this universe which includes all the "bad" and I Love everything within and without it. I Love that I don't need to do anything, and I get to watch this life play out as a movie where I'm always being surprised at what happens next. Every day I say to myself "what a day, what a day!" The physical world as we know it is only a very small part of the universe as a whole. When I stopped giving any fucks, I was freed of energy that I had been wasting trying to give fucks away. In my freeing up of energy that I was wasting and the fact that I am able to just sit in peace with myself I was shown other realms and dimensions within our universe. We all have the same gifts and abilities within us since we all come from the same source. We all have access to the same realities, realms, and dimensions coming from the same source. Most of us are too busy giving a fuck about some tiny little "problem" to see the whole of existence.

Once you get that first hit of peace within, you get hooked and the person you were beforehand disappears and all that is left is a peace junky. Except peace isn't a drug that kills, but leads to peace eternally shining within that you no longer need to chase since you always have it within. Unlike any other drug in this world, peace is the only one that leads to its own end. When the peace is found within, the finder of said peace wants to share the goods new to everyone and anyone who will listen, except no one seems to care, it's almost as if many of us enjoy being miserable for one reason or another. There is peace within all of us, you don't have to believe it in order for it to be there and you don't need to do anything for it. Peace is given to all by the grace of God, no exceptions. Stop giving a fuck about anything and the peace within will shine brighter than you ever imagined possible. Love and Peace!

* I was reminded after I wrote this post that there is a book about not giving a fuck. I have not personally read it but I am aware of its existence. This post was from my own personal experience.

Desire 3

Buddha told us that desire is the cause of all suffering. Desiring any one thing or more will always lead to suffering. By desiring some things and not desiring other things we open ourselves to the idea that we can receive things that we don't desire making them bad in our mind and therefore something that should be avoided. The things we desire become good to us and we don't believe we are able to be happy without them.

When we desire anything, we can never be satisfied, we can never have enough. We desire money and when we get it, it is never enough, we always want more. Take one look at all the billionaires trying to become trillionaires, we can clearly see that even when having billions of dollars which is more than any human can spend in many lifetimes, still isn't enough. We want to be Loved, but no one can ever seem to do it right or just how we want it done. We desire to control external circumstances and yet we never can. 

We desire sex, always wanting more, never having enough. We desire God and therefore we fear satan. We desire peace and become afraid of war. We desire to be remembered which causes us to be terrified of being forgotten. We desire joy and loathe any other emotion. On and on and on our desires go, never being satisfied, always chasing, and always running away. We are all free to desire anything we choose, and God will let us do so as long as we choose to. 

In truth there is nothing to desire because we are all in heaven and we are all enlightened and we can't desire any one thing because we have everything. Thinking logically, we are all part of the same universe which is made up of everything within the universe. Being part of the universe in which we are in, we literally have everything within the universe, known and unknown. We not only have everything, but we are everything itself. 

When we desire any one thing within the universe, we cause a split within ourselves. Our "true self" knows that it has everything and is one with everything, and the "ego" believes it is separate from the universe. The "ego" believes this since it thinks that there is any one thing that could be separated from the universe and given to the individual "ego" in order to make the individual "ego" special in some way. Since the "ego" believes that something else could be separated from the universe, the "ego" also believes that it can also be separated from the universe causing confusion and disease.

In order for the "ego" to survive it always needs to be desiring some thing. The "ego" doesn't even know what it desires, it just needs to desire. If the "ego" appears to achieve it's desire, it will only transfer the desire elsewhere. There is literally no one thing that can satisfy the desire of the "ego" since everything is part of the same universe, and yet the "ego" never stops desiring. As long as we chase our desires and run from that which we don't desire we keep the "ego" "alive" within our minds and will feel split. It is an impossibility to have some thing that someone else doesn't have and by believing that we can we suffer. We live in misery since we suffer. We suffer because we desire.

"Ego" death is simply letting go of all desires. Desires come from the "ego". Some psychedelics can help us to achieve (meaning letting go of desires) "ego" death, when that experience comes, all desires vanish, and reality can be seen and is seen as one thing instead of separate things. Everything is God, everything is one universe, desire is the belief that any one thing can be separate and if any one thing can be separate, all things are separate. We then think that we can be separate from the very universe we are in we have a constant inner dread since we don't think we will ever be able to get back into our own universe that we never left. Love and peace!