Near Death Experience

When I fifteen I was very depressed and chugged a fifth of vodka in a matter of minutes. I laid down on my bed and felt as if I was sinking into my bed. I was honestly terrified because I believed I was going to die and that I was being sucked into hell. I could feel myself being pulled out of my body and had no use of my body, I was powerless to stop it, so I did the only thing I could do which was to stop fighting it and let go. As soon as I relaxed, I proceeded to watch my body from outside of it. My friend at the time and a couple relatives were there and one relative was saying that I wasn't breathing, and she started crying and getting upset. I told her "I'm right here, it's ok" but she didn't hear me. I then stood up and watched from a higher perspective while the other relative was calling 911. I could hear and see everything, but they couldn't see or hear me.

Next thing I know I woke up back in my body and had a bunch of firemen and paramedics standing over me. I was confused because I thought my time in this body was over and yet, there I was right back in it. I got angry and wanted to run away to go lay in a ditch so I could just die and go back to the complete and utter peace I had just felt, and no one would be there to stop me. As I was going out the door I ran into my friend's father. He didn't judge me, he didn't ask me why I did it, he didn't ask me anything. He just offered me a cigarette and stood there with me. It was his kindness that kept me from running off and dropping dead in some ditch. It was kindness that kept me in this body. This body is meant to be here until it's done with its purpose and then I shall continue watching as everyone pretends, I'm not here anymore. I know that there is no death, the body can and will die, mine did, but I was there watching the entire time.

You could say I was invisible, a ghost, a spirit, or a soul. Doesn't matter what you call it, all I know is I could hear and see everything while I was "dead", but no one could see or hear me, they were too busy looking at the body I usually wear. You could say I was naked without my body, but I didn't feel like I was missing anything. I felt fine and I knew everything was ok.

Calling Out “Christians”

You are the wolves in sheep's clothing. You use the name of Christ as a weapon to fill your own ego. You condemn and persecute. You are blind to your own actions since you are too busy worrying about what your neighbor is doing instead of getting that log out of your own eye. You were told to Love thy neighbor, not judge them. Your book of law, the bible, says to judge not lest you be judged and yet, judging others is all you seem to know.

Your book of law teaches forgiveness, charity, kindness, and humbleness. Yet you hold on to grudges, steal from the poor and give to the rich, fear people who look different than you, and are arrogant. How dare you use the name of Christ as a weapon. You snakes of the devil. You are too busy seeing everyone else as an enemy that you yourselves have become the enemies. 

Your book of law states to pray in private and yet you fight to pray in public with no regard to those of differing beliefs. You claim persecution and condemnation when you persecute and condemn immigrants, lgtbq+, and any other who opposes you. Your book of law says to have no idols before thy God and yet you have golden statues of the antichrist and money covered goat idols with golden horns.

You hypocritical vermin of lucifer will bring about the end times that you so fear from your book of law and in doing so you will be the ones who will be burning in eternal hellfire while all those who follow the teachings of Christ will have peace eternally. Stop your evil ways, open your eyes, pay attention, look around you, and get that log out of your own eye before you ever worry about what any other person is doing. That log is way bigger than you can possibly ever imagine, and it will take you most of your life to dig it out. You do not have time to be so concerned with what anyone else is doing.

All of you so called "Christians" are being called out. Stop your evil ways now. There is no threat coming from outside because you are putting yourselves in hell with this behavior. Every one of you who do not follow the teaching of Christ but claim to be a follower of him are the anti-Christ, there isn't just one anti-Christ. You only believe that there is one anti-Christ because you "know" it's not you which means you can do whatever you want, and you will never be as bad as the anti-Christ. You justify all of your shitty behavior by simply "not being the anti-Christ" when in reality, you are. You are what you fear the most.

You cowards hide your weakness and insecurity behind the name of Christ and then use Christ's name as a sword against those who oppose you, when in reality they just make you feel uncomfortable, and you don't like to feel uncomfortable. You spoiled grotesque pigs of greed and lust. Your book of law says that a camel has a better chance of passing through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to get into heaven. You make up with the prosperity gospel in order to explain away your obvious sin of greed. 

You fight the LGTBQ+ community because you are so filled with lust that it enrages you when other people aren't. You don't look at a homosexual couple and see two humans in Love. You see everything through a sexual lens due to your own lust, so you sexualize the homosexual couple. You see the lust you hide within yourself when you look at them and then you hate them for how they make you feel because they made you feel uncomfortable. Instead of accepting and Loving that couple as fellow children of God, you condemn them and in turn condemn yourselves. You indoctrinate children by dumping the fear of hell onto them until they submit and "get saved". You fear mongering hypocrites.

Christ Loves and accepts the immigrant. Christ Loves and accepts the LGBTQ+ community. Christ Loves and accepts those who don't believe in him. Christ Loves and accepts those who are in other religions. Christ Loves and accepts those who walk in his ways and those who don't such as yourselves. Christ Loves everyone without exception and asks nothing in return.

Christ came to save all, and he came to save you from yourself. You are creating your very own eternal hell and are too busy blaming everyone else to see it, you are blinded to your own ways. Rest in Christ, have peace in Christ. Christ is not hate and condemnation. Christ is Love, unaltered, unconditional, boundless, limitless, timeless, Love that far exceeds any Love possible to any mere human. Christ is a constant state of peace. Christ is understanding and patience. Christ has no need for forgiveness because Christ sees no sin.

If you knew Christ as you say you do, you would also know the Love, peace, and patience of Christ. Yet a person of a darker skin complexion coming near you causes your body to involuntarily and subconsciously tense up. But you tell yourself consciously that you are not racist because you know a black person and are kind to them which allows you to ignore the fact that that you are only using them as a means to justify your own racism. It also puts you on a pedestal that you are doing them the honor of not being racist towards them instead of just seeing another human being and not even thinking about the color of their skin. You hypocrites and cowards. Christ sees not the color of the skin but the content of the heart.

Christ knows all that you do, you may believe you can hide behind the name of Christ, but it is you who Christ watches the most as you are the ones using his name in vain. Non-believers of Christ don't go around shouting that they hate Christ, they are indifferent, they don't use the name of Christ in vain, they don't blaspheme the name of Christ, like you blasphemers do. Non-believers just want you to stop using the name of Christ as a weapon for your own personal gain. You are the ones who have forsaken the name of Christ. 

May the Love and Peace of Christ rain down upon you so that your eyes may be opened, and all imagined evil shall fall away from your mind. May you be wiped clean of all sins and impurities. May you see the Love of Christ inside so that you may embrace your enemies with Love. Amen.

To Watch A Murder

*This is a true story about murder and it's graphic as fuck. Proceed with caution, you've been warned.

It was late at night; there were three of us in the car. A friend of mine and a man we had never met before. This was roughly twenty-five years ago so the memories of how we met this person or how they came to be in our car with us eludes me. It wasn't particularly strange for us to be around strangers, as we would often meet new people. 

We were driving on a rural road with no streetlights and being late at night, visibility was average. This was in the summer and there was no rain. It was one of those moments in your life where time stops while you're experiencing the moment but when you try to recall it later your mind puts the memory into superspeed and all you can say is it happened so fast. 

There she was, laying the in the middle of our lane of traffic. My eyes saw her laying there and less than an instant later we ran over her. There was no avoiding it. I can't tell you if the other two people in the vehicle saw her or not. She blended right in with the road, and I wasn't even sure of what I saw. We pulled off the road and ran over to her and she was just lying there with her head held up looking at us and not making any sounds or saying anything. She had this sense of peace and calmness to her. It was then that we saw she was pregnant. My friend and I decided to pull her out of the road so she wouldn't get hit by another vehicle if another vehicle happened to come around.

This was before cell phones, and we were on a country road with no houses around. There weren't any other vehicles either aside from a semi-truck that passed just after we pulled her out of the road, we tried to wave it down, but we don't think they even noticed. My friend and I were rambling trying to figure out what to do when the stranger who was with us appeared out of the shadows. He had been oddly quiet and hadn't helped us at all or said anything up until this point. He had just been standing back from the road in the shadows of the bushes watching. I had honestly forgotten all about him being with us, I was so focused on figuring out what to do and trying to process everything that he was the least of my concerns. My only concern was getting help.

He ever so slowly and casually walks up to her and just says "she is to injured and is going to die, we need to put her out of her misery" and immediately starts stomping her head in with the type of rage you only see in movies. My body and mind shut down and I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I couldn't do anything, and all I could do is watch while my friend proceeded to vomit the entire time. All I could do is watch as this stranger stomped the life out of this beautiful young mother and her baby. The most fucked up part was that he was very clearly enjoying it. It's almost as if he had just been waiting for the right moment to kill someone and took his chance the second it came along. He didn't care that we were standing there witnessing the entire thing play out, in fact it seemed he enjoyed having an audience. I think having an audience made it more real for him.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally stopped stomping on her head, but I had stopped watching as soon as I knew she was dead, and he just kept stomping anyways. He proceeds to walk back to the car just as casually as if we had pulled over to take a piss. It was then that my body decided to move and follow him to the car even though the mind never told it to. I was still just watching it all happen as if I were watching a movie.

I have no memory of what followed, all I know is we never saw him again and we have no idea what his name is, what he looks like, or what he was even wearing. My friend and I just never spoke of him or that night. We both found it easier to pretend it never happened. We knew there was nothing that could be done. We were just as responsible; we stood there and didn't stop it. There was never a point when I thought that she was going to die before he started killing her. My thought process after we hit her was how to get her help for her injuries, she was conscious and awake the entire time, she just didn't say anything.

My friend and I had suspected that she was already hit by another vehicle that had run away before we ran her over. We basically just drove over her, but I did hear a small thud as we drove over her. The way she looked at us was as if she knew that she was going to die and had fully accepted it and was at peace with it.

That was the day that I learned that there are people in this world walking among us who are just waiting for the chance to kill another being. They won't necessarily go out of their way to kill but if the opportunity arises, they will absolutely take it. It wasn't until just a couple years ago that my friend and I discussed that night for the first time since it happened all those years ago, all we could really say was how fucked up it was.

*Disclaimer: The mother in the story happened to be in the form of a deer so no laws were officially broken but a life, is a life, is a life. All life is equal and valid.

Mind Of A Christ Follower

Jesus seems like a pretty nice guy; I like what he says, and he does some pretty cool miracles...

I think I'll read more of what he said and see what else he has to say...

I am starting to see the appeal with Jesus, he seems like he knows what he is talking about. I think that I will try being more like him. I'll try being just a little bit nicer to those around me and try to be more forgiving...

I have found so much peace and joy following Jesus, listening to him and practicing his ways has truly changed my life for the better. I wonder if anyone else knows just how amazing Jesus is. I know that there is an entire religion called Christianity dedicated to Jesus, but they are always so angry, while I have become increasingly less angry with Jesus. They are always so confrontational when I work on turning the other cheek like Jesus told me to. They seem to hate immigrants when Jesus accepted all that came to him, without ever questioning if they were there illegally...

I tried telling people about how amazing Jesus is, but whenever I try, I get one of two responses. First being "I know, I'm already a Christain", and secondly "I don't care". I guess no one really wants to know Jesus personally, oh well, I tried. Maybe there is another way to show people who Jesus is without telling them, since they won't listen...

I figured it out, I will just Love everyone like Jesus says. I will Love my enemies and my neighbors, I will forgive them for as Jesus said, "they know not what they do" that way I don't have to waste my energy trying to get people to listen to me when they don't want to. I'm sure I can find other ways to show the Love of Jesus too...

I Love everyone...

I Love everything...

Thanks Jesus...

God is Awesome!

Mind Of A Christian

I am special, God sent his son to save me from eternal hellfire. Since I am special, I am better than all of those who are not special like me. I am God's special V.I.P. guest, I roll with my boy Jesus, and he is God's only son so my boy Jesus can do whatever he wants and since Jesus is my boy I can do anything I want also. I don't need to be anything like Jesus or have any of his virtues, that's what he was for, so I could pretend I have his virtues. I Have the backing of God behind me and all I have to do is claim God told me to do something and then all limits are off. 

Since I am God's special chosen V.I.P. with my boy Jesus, that means it is my job to gather the masses together to brag about how amazing I am. I tell people that I am "witnessing" to them about my Lord and Savior but in reality, I'm just bragging about how special I am that I get to go to heaven while all the losers around me have to go to hell. I do find it rather odd that no one seems to care that they are going to hell, which infuriates me. I mean, shouldn't they care that they are going to hell? I use my frustration that other people won't do what I demand of them and get "saved" and I persecute all those who won't listen to me telling them how special I am while calling it righteous anger, since we all know how special, I alone, am to God.

I don't even need Jesus anymore, since I only used him to get a direct connection to God. Now that God has my back, I can conquer the world and make sure every single person that's alive will know how special I am. I will convert everyone's beliefs to my own and then everyone will see just how special I am, and they will all get on their knees and beg my forgiveness of them. I will redeem the fallen world with my generous attitude of forgiveness, and I will become the new God, and then no one will ever need to find out that God has never actually spoken to me, and I made it all up.