If you don't like your past change it. There is no rule or law within the universe that you can't change your past. This is your life, and you can do whatever you want with it. You can make your past anything you want it to be. Do you have trauma in your past? Change it. Trauma is caused by feeling a lack of control over a situation. It doesn't necessarily have to be a life-threatening situation. What's traumatic to one person is just a walk in the park for another person. Don't compare your trauma to anyone else's, we all experience life in our own way from our own perspective. Don't let anyone tell you that your trauma isn't real just because they can't see it or because someone else experienced "worse" trauma. Some of us may only have one traumatic event in our past, others may have a lot, while others may have none. This isn't about anyone else's trauma but your own, this is about you and your life and the quality of your life.
When we experience a traumatic event in our life, it is due to a lack of feeling in control in a situation. We are left feeling afraid, depressed, anxious, and all sorts of other things. We then replay that event over and over and over in our minds constantly reminding us how we didn't have control. We force ourselves to relive that trauma every time we replay it in our minds. When we replay the traumatic event in our minds, we replay it the way we remember it, which is with us not being in control. We then become afraid of it happening again the same way. If we didn't have control then, we won't have control in the future. It opens up all sorts of anxiety because of it. So why don't we try changing the traumatic event? Why don't we try changing how we think about it?
If we simply allow ourselves to think about the traumatic event in a different way, we can take back our control that we didn't have at the time it happened. Instead of replaying the traumatic event in our mind as it played out, we can replay the event with the mindset of what we would do now if it were to happen now. The person you are now can go back to that memory and change it. The person you are now can give the person within that memory the control and power that they needed and change it from a traumatic memory to just another memory that has no power over you. The present you has the ability to go back to the past version of yourself within your memory and give yourself whatever it is that you needed at the time.
To do this, the first thing you do is get into a safe and comfortable environment. Cuddle up with some pillows and blankets, light a candle, and just do whatever makes you comfortable. You can do this alone or with someone with whom you feel safe and comfortable with. Secondly you tell yourself that you are safe and that you cannot be harmed from a memory. The traumatic event already happened and is in the past and therefor had no ability to do harm to you now. You then allow yourself to go back into the memory, except this time you don't replay the memory as it happened, you go into the memory and allow yourself to listen to what your past self wants, and you give yourself whatever it is that your past self wants. By allowing yourself you go back to that memory and giving yourself whatever it is that you want or need, you are taking back control of that memory. By taking back control the memory loses its power over you, you now have the power. The traumatic memory is turned into just another memory in which you had control.
I will share one of my traumatic memories with you in which I did this technique. I want to show you that I am speaking from a place of experience and what this technique was able to do for me. I want you to see how by doing this technique it transformed my life and how it can do the same for you. You are not alone, and it will be ok. I will not go into specific details of my trauma as I am aware that could be a trigger for some. I will simply talk about what I did when I went into my memory of it.
I was sexually molested repeatedly around the age of 9. I would have flashbacks of the molestation. I tried to suppress those memories, which appeared to work for a while on the surface but underneath I was an emotional wreck. I learned of this technique in my mid-thirties, and it changed my life. I allowed myself to go back to just one specific memory of the abuse in my mind, I picked the most vivid memory and imagined myself as an adult stumbling upon my 9-year-old self in a specific scenario which I won't mention. I honestly thought that when I got into the memory that I would just beat the shit out of my molester but what actually happened shocked me and I would've never expected the outcome I had.
When I went into my memory, I looked at my younger self in that moment, I knew exactly what he needed. He just wanted to be held, so I just held my younger self. I held him so tight I thought I might hurt my younger self, but he was safe. The present me saved my younger self. The molester disappeared in the memory and all that was left was my 9-year-old self being held, protected, and Loved. I'm not sure how long I stayed within that memory, once I was holding my past self, I just didn't want to let go, I just wanted to hold him forever so that's what I did. We didn't speak to each other, we didn't need to, he just wanted to be held and I gave that to him. I took back control, I took the power those memories held over me, and I only had to face one of the memories, the rest just vanished.
After I did this technique, I was able to realize that the trauma was never even about the molestation for me. It was about the fact that no one ever cared that it happened. No one ever once held me or told me it would be ok. No one protected me. No one cared. It was the fact that my abuser was the one who received all the sympathy after they were caught, and I was viewed as someone who did something wrong by my family. That 9-year-old child is still in me and even today as I'm writing this out for you, I have tears running down my cheeks. It is still a sad memory, there is still pain but it is no longer traumatic because I know that I can go back into my memory and hold myself and Love myself and protect myself since I had no one else to do it for me. I took the power back that was stolen from me.
I spent my life thinking that this was my only trauma, since it was these memories that were always coming back to me. After I allowed myself to do this technique and change my past, other traumas slowly started introducing themselves to me. Turns out I had a lot of suppressed traumas in my life. Turns out there were plenty of other traumatic events that happened in my life that I wasn't even willing to look at or think about because it was just too hard. I focused all of my conscious attention on the molestation as a means of avoiding having to be reminded of all the other horrible shit that happened to me. Here's the thing though, I know that no trauma has power over me anymore. I used this technique and it worked. Yes, it unlocked more trauma but as more trauma is unlocked, I use this technique on the new memories that appear. I know that I can get through any trauma that comes around as long as I have this weapon in my arsenal.
This technique also works with roleplay. Find someone you trust and feel safe with, and you can act it out. Art therapy helps with uncovering suppressed traumas and memories. Journaling and talking it out with others helps. Therapy can help, if you are able to find a therapist you connect with well. There are plenty of techniques that are available to help you through your traumatic memories. Find what works for you and run with it. You don't deserve to suffer, and you deserve to be happy. There is a way out, if I can do it then so can you. I believe in you even if no one else does. I Love you so much and it'll all be ok. Love and Peace!