If you should ask me my "name" I would tell you the name I prefer to be called while leaving my legal name to be used for legal purposes. I would most likely have no reason to mention my past legal name given to me at the time of my birth that was never relevant to me. As our companionship continues, I may share the world that lies within the name I prefer to be called and why I chose that name. Each variation of my names has their own history and memories. Each name has its own story to tell.
If you ask me how I'm feeling I could never convey to you how I truly feel in any given moment. At times it felt like I was in the deepest depths of the hellfire of anxiety and at any instant my heart was going to explode and "sad" just doesn't express that sentiment. I have sat underneath a sunset sky filled with a cotton candy slew of colors while the birds and animals were getting settled in for the evening. When the bats came out and swooped all the mosquitos within sight allowing for a poke free evening. Inside the feeling of complete peace and serenity and a knowing deep within one's being that all is well. Merging with that moment in time and space and knowing that it was meant just for me. "Happy" just doesn't have that amount of depth.
I could tell you about the best friend who I watched grow from the time he was a baby to adulthood and on through to death. The friend that had my back just as much as I had theirs. The friend that always forgave me and sat with me when I needed a cry. The friend that always missed me when I was gone and always cheered at my return. The friend that shared their lifetime of memories with me. The friend so loyal and true that the word "pet" or "dog" would be an insult.
If the subject of kids came up, I could tell you that I am a "parent" and yet that word leaves a lot up to the imagination. That word could never show the depths of Love that has poured from the parent's heart since the instant they saw the heartbeat on the monitor of their child. That word shows no light on the moment the child came into the world and time stopped and all at once came the realization came that this tiny person has the ability to crush you, if they so choose and knowing that it won't matter because nothing could stop this Love from flowing. Never seeing anything of the child except for pure perfection and beauty and craving nothing but pure peace and bliss for the child.
I suppose you may ask me about a hobby of mine in which I would say that I am a "musician" which has infinite layers of meaning and experiences. The lifetime of music being with me when I had absolutely no one. The lifetime of music being my outlet and my comforter. The transformation from Loving music to instruments. Starting with debating on getting a keyboard just because it always sounded fun and then having it be something being played most every day since you got it several years ago. Then getting drums because they sounded fun too and now the drums have become part of the daily routine. Add in flute and harmonica on occasion. Top with singing and humming and the entirety of identities merge with the flow of music creating a new, more confident, and independent identity of "musician" which simply resides in a sea of other identities and hobbies.
