Thank you for being my constant companion for all these years. You made your first appearance when I was just a child at the age of eleven. When I was bullied on the playground and shoved to the ground hitting my head and losing consciousness. I awoke to an angel hovering above me and discovering that I was laying on the ground alone. Nothing in this world seemed real anymore and I couldn't remember who I was or where I was. Only one thought played through my mind which was "I want my mommy". I longed for a mommy that wasn't there, a mommy that never had time nor space for me.
You stayed with me over the years that followed when I was forced to face life events alone. You were there every time someone told me "what was wrong with me". You were there when I felt misunderstood, judged, and invisible. You were there when I would be excluded from a group or ignored when sharing my voice. You were there when I was bullied and abused. You were at your strongest during all the times when the people I Loved decided that they didn't Love me anymore or that I was just too much for them to handle. Always reminding me that I deserve a Love that doesn't end or think that I am not good enough.
You have always reminded me of my worth and value even when no one else had the desire or ability to see it. You never doubted me or questioned me. You refused to allow me to settle for less than pure unadulterated Love. Within your quiet presence I found the Love that I deserved, the Love that was always in me, and the Love that doesn't end.
I ran from you, I avoided you, and I hated you at times and yet you never once stopped showing me the Love that I truly deserved. Eventually I decided to study you to see if I could discover the cause of you in order to eliminate you. I found you uncomfortable to be with, so I wanted to be rid of you. I was told that you were caused due to my selfishness and I believed it. I believed that it was selfish of me to want to be Loved and accepted just as I was and that you were my punishment for being so selfish. I tried relentlessly to be unselfish in order to free myself from your ever-present shadow but the harder I tried to more I felt your presence.
Eventually I gave up trying to figure you out since it seemed I was unable to. I couldn't seem to discover your source, and I couldn't seem to free myself from you. Instead of worrying myself over getting rid of you I simply allowed myself to be in your presence, no longer fighting you and simply learning to be with you. By learning to be with you I was learning how to be with myself. Those around me led me to believe that I wasn't good enough for anyone to want to be around and yet there you were. Where you were, I was also. In my being with you, I discovered that all those beliefs I had about not being good enough were just illusions. My worth wasn't based on other people's opinions or perspectives about me. My worth is inherent, and you helped me to see that.
You went from my biggest enemy to my closest friend. I viewed you as my enemy because I feared you and I feared you since I didn't know you. In getting to know you, I see your steadfastness and resolve in never allowing me to actually be alone, since you were always with me. You appear when I am seeking what I already have from others. When I forget my worth, my value, and my deservedness of Love. I am worthy of Love, and I am Loved and you never let me think otherwise. I melt into your warm embrace as you surround me with your Love. Thank you, dear friend.
